Icy-Hot Sensations' 2008 NFL Draft Drinking Game

Saddle up, sluts. We’re back with another drinking game, only this time hopefully you won’t be passed out within 3 hours. This game has the advantage of both strength AND length. It’s the exact opposite of my cock. Funny how that works.

Unlike the Final Four drinking game, you’re permitted to play this game alone. In fact, I even encourage it. Your alcoholism makes me feel better about my own, and I’m always willing to derive pleasure from your pain. Even if I don’t know you.

Necessary Requirements:

- Beer
- Your favorite sippin’ liquor
- Beer Bong
- Television
- Beltless, zipper-free pants

There are approximately 8 drinks in one beer. A shot is self explanatory; if you live south of St. Louis, pulls off the bottle are allowed. If a beer bong is not available, shotgunning the beer is acceptable.

Note: If you want to take this game to the next level, and are not employed by a company that randomly drug tests, you may substitute a whippet for a shot and a bong hit for a beer bong.

Note 2: Every person playing the game must “adopt” one team. You don't have to choose your favorite team as your adopted team, but you must maintain your adopted team for the duration of the game.

Take one drink:

- Your adopted team’s picks scroll by on the ticker
- Someone calls Chris Berman “Boomer”
- Keyshawn Johnson is mentioned as being a former #1 pick
- Any comparison of Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie to Antonio Cromartie
- Any team’s war room is shown
- Berman tips a team’s pick right before Goodell announces it
- ESPN advertises for one of their products
- A mustachioed front office executive or ESPN employee is shown
- Someone calls Ron Jaworski “Jaws”
- Any reference to butter
- Any EA sports commercial
- Someone says “National Football League” instead of NFL
- Kiper’s “big board” is displayed
- A draftee is shown at the podium holding up a number 1 jersey
- Any mention of the Wonderlic test
- Matt Ryan slips past the Falcons pick
- Any mention of Pac-Man Jones
- David Tyree’s catch is shown
- Any reference to “Spygate”

Take two drinks:

- Your adopted team makes a selection
- Your adopted team’s war room is shown
- A montage of your adopted team is shown
- Any trade is made
- Any draftee is interviewed
- Emmitt Smith mispronounces a word (Edit: Rumor has it he's not part of ESPN's draft coverage. Fuck. And thank God.)
- Comparison of Darren McFadden’s potential rookie impact to Adrian Peterson’s potential rookie impact
- Any mention of Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie only having one kidney
- Jets fans boo Keyshawn
- Any discussion of the Big 10’s lack of speed
- Berman references his “cab driver” in Buffalo
- Mario Manningham or Aqib Talib are deemed “risks” because of their admitted marijuana use
- Darren McFadden is drafted in the first five picks
- Kiper’s argument with Tobin is shown (the one where Tobin says “who the hell is Mel Kiper?”)
- Any large group of fans boo their pick
- Matt Ryan slips past the Chiefs pick

Take three drinks:

- Your adopted team is involved in a trade
- A current (non-draftee) player or front office executive of your adopted team is interviewed
- Any discussion of Brett Favre’s “retirement”
- Tom Jackson calls someone a retard
- Any reference to an anchor
- A video of Berman in a Hawaiian shirt is played
- Any discussion of Devin Thomas having one leg that is shorter than the other
- Any WR is taken in the first 15 picks
- Darren McFadden’s offspring are mentioned
- Any mention of Keyshawn’s feud with Wayne Chrebet
- A draftee’s entourage is shown celebrating
- Any reference to DaJuan Morgan’s poetry
- A draftee is shown wearing sunglasses indoors
- Matt Ryan slips past the Ravens pick

Take a shot:

- Kiper, or any other member of the ESPN crew, chastises your adopted team’s pick
- The Lions draft a WR in the first round
- DaJuan Morgan reads one of his poems on the air
- Erin Andrews appears on TV
- Jared Allen gets a DUI on draft day
- A synonym for “penis” is mentioned in a sentence with “Sean Salisbury”
- A Division 3 player is drafted
- Someone mentions a player being a “cancer” while Stuart Scott is on-screen
- Matt Ryan slips past the Panthers pick

Bong a beer:

- An NFL or team executive chews out Kiper
- Tavares Gooden, Darnell Jenkins, or Willie Cooper are mentioned as being members of the 7^th floor crew
- The Vikings miss a pick
- Pac-Man Jones or Chris Henry are arrested on draft day
- Roger Goodell suspends someone on draft day
- The Bills draft Malcolm Kelly at #11
- Cincinnati drafts someone with a criminal history
- Every pick past #13 Matt Ryan is not drafted
- Your adopted team drafts any of the following players: Limas Sweed, Mike Jenkins, Vernon Gholston, Ryan Clady, Jonathan Stewart, Joe Flacco, Kenny Phillips, James Hardy, Dustin Keller, Keith Rivers, Quentin Groves

Rules can be combined: for example, if your adopted team is the Bengals, and they inexplicably trade up to select James Hardy, you have 2 drinks for the “any trade” rule, 3 drinks for the “your team makes a trade” rule, 3 drinks for the “WR in the top 15” rule, 3 drinks for Kiper presumably criticizing your pick, 3 drinks for Tom Jackson calling the Cincinnati GM a retard, one beer bong for the “Cincinnati drafts someone with a criminal history” rule, and one beer bong for drafting James Hardy, meaning you have 2 beer bongs and 14 drinks.

Final Note: there is a 90% chance dmk will be live blogging the draft’s first round. If you’d like an insightful draft live blog, go here. If you’d like a funny draft live blog, go here. If you’d like neither, check back with us. Provided I don't puss out again, I might even play the draft drinking game while live-blogging; if I suddenly jump from talking about why Chris Williams doesn’t project as a franchise LT to why I’d like to take a nap inside Elisha Cuthbert’s finger hut, you’ll know what’s going on.