NBA Schedule Propositions

1989 Eastern Conference First Round, Game 5.

With the current NBA playoff format, this fantastic shot by Michael Jordan would only be a footnote in a Game 5 victory over the Cavs. Would Chicago have taken care of business at home and wrapped up the series in six games or would Cleveland have forced a Game 7 back in Cleveland and ultimately taken the series over the lower seeded Bulls? No one will ever know.

The current NBA playoff format is such that the first round series are the best-of-seven games. This schedule was introduced by the players and approved by the NBA in 2003 as part of the new collective bargaining agreement. Prior to that season, first round series had been of the best-of-five variety.

The casual NBA fan will tell you that the season, and especially the playoffs are too long, both in terms of games and calendar days. This is something that I believe the NBA needs to address, to draw more fans back into professional basketball. Considering the intriguing storylines of this season which has created a new buzz around young superstars and teams, a small tweak in the schedule will only enhance the enthusiasm. There are two options for the NBA: shorten the regular season to 76 games and keep the playoff schedule as it currently plays OR maintain the 82 game regular season and change the first round series back to a best-of-five.


Proposal 1: A 76-game Regular Season with a Best-of-Seven Playoff Series

Changing from an 82 game regular season to a 76 game schedule does not seem like a big change, but it would make enough of an impact for both the players and fans. First off, it shortens the regular season by around two weeks, meaning the playoffs would start just after April 1st, rather than the 20th. This, along with a mandate that all seven game playoff series be completed in twelve days or less, rather than fifteen days, will put the final game of the NBA season in either the last few days of May or the opening days in June.

Another argument is that a 76 game schedule would be more balanced between conferences, because the six games that will be eliminated would be intra-conference games. Thus, the schedule would be composed of 16 division games, 30 intra-conference games and 30 inter-conference games. Some teams slate's will obviously be unbalanced, depending on the quality of teams in each schedule. The makeup of inter-conference games would rotate, along with the inevitable home and road imbalance. In a year like 2008, a 76-game schedule could have possibly changed the playoff participants, as teams that struggled in the within their own conference could have prevailed over others had they played a more balanced schedule.

Finally, a seven game playoff series lessens the chance that an superior team will be defeated by an inferior team. One of the arguments for the current playoff format is that the better team will overtake its opponent during the course of a series. A seven game series does NOT necessarily mean less lower seeds winning their matchups, as there has not been a significant drop in upsets since 2003, when compared to 1984-2002. (Both periods have averaged around four upsets every five seasons [10.5%], for all series not including 4 vs. 5.) A longer playoff series only prevents bad teams from advancing because they are forced to win four games instead of three.

Proposal 2: 82-Game Regular Season with a Best-of-Five First Round Series

On the other side of this debate is the proposal to revert back to the pre-2003 playoff format in which first round matchups were a best-of-five while keeping the regular season as is. Personally, I am a big proponent of this option, as the NBA has had an 82 game schedule since 1967. Like the first option, I would like the NBA to institute a maximum twelve day period in which a seven game series can be played. For a five game series, I would shorten this to nine days. A major argument for this scenario is that every game would carry even more importance. If a team were to go down two games to none, or two games to one, then their backs would be against the wall for the rest of that series. A seven-game series lacks truly meaningful drama till the fifth or sixth game of a competitive series.

Next, the possibility of an upset is heightened in a shorter series. As I previously stated, actual upsets are nearly identical whether a five or seven game series. Possible upsets, ie: games in a do-or-die situation, increase dramatically in a shorter series. Isn't this the best possible scenario for the NBA? There is a greater chance for a sudden death contest, but there is not a higher probability that a poorer opponent will advance. AND, you get shots like the one above from MJ or performances from Isiah and Bernard King, featured below.

The last and equally compelling support of this playoff schedule is that the games in the later rounds are more competitive and of higher quality because of a lower amount of games logged by one or both teams. This idea is common sense, as the quality of the basketball is very dependent on the stamina and freshness of the players on each team. If two teams have had to play 14 games prior to the conference finals, I believe the quality of play will be worse than if those teams had to play 10 or even 12 in the first two rounds of competition.


1984 Eastern Conference First Round, Game 5

Start the Engraving Process Now

I found it odd the Vikings would construct a team that is ready to win now at every position except quarterback. But hey, I don't evaluate quarterbacks for a living. Or teams, for that matter. Maybe I'm missing something.

Well, thankfully, no longer must Vikings fans worry about their QB having another 8-17, 63 yard, 2 INT performance. Brad and Ziggy have taken the first step in ending the Tarvaris Jackson experiment by bringing aboard this former Gatorade Player of the Year and future NFL standout.

Your move, Green Bay.

NFL Draft Live Blog

- And so it begins. dmk comes to you from the basement of pimpitude, which you may remember from the NCAA title game live blog. Joining me again are GldnKnight and Liu, the Ukranian we have chained up in the garage. For the draft we have prepared about 65 chicken wings, a lobster pot full of puppy chow, and 9 different kinds of chips/dip. Also, we have the coldest beer in America.

- GldnKnight will be playing the game. I will be drinking, watching, and reporting.

- You might be wondering what 9 varieties of dip we have presented. They are: spinach dip, chipotle ranch, con queso, black bean/corn salsa, monterrey jack con queso, french onioin, creamy salsa, southwest ranch, and hot bean dip.

- We might be having some people stop by later. If it gets excessive, this live blog is going to discontinue, for a number of reasons. I can't deal with people looking over my shoulder asking "hey, what are you writing?" Also, I don't like others knowing I write this shit.

- GldnKnight has taken the Patriots as his adopted team. In a related story, he's already uttered three racial slurs and commenced listening to "Space Between."

- Noted fucktard Roger Goodell starts the draft and immediately announces the Dolphins pick. That was nice. I like Long as the Dolphins pick, because it's a safe choice for them. Worst case scenario you have a solid RT.

- I'd let Chris Long's mom do me.

- Steve Young thinks the Rams need "heart." Joe Morgan is intrigued by Mr. Young's ideas and wishes to subscribe to his newspaper.

- Colonel Cool, wherever you are, Godspeed.

- This is fucking retarded. The ESPN crew is having a discussion about hwo the Rams need heart and someone to show them how to win. You know what they really need? Talent.

- We have the Magic/Raptors game and the Red Wings/Avs game on the non big screen TVs. That's right. We are running three TV's for two people to watch. Fuck you, Earth Week.

- The Rams select Chris Long, which is another choice receiving the dmk seal of approval.

- The real intrigue starts now, with the Falcons on the clock. If Dimitroff is indeed the man in charge, Atlanta will select Dorsey here. If Blank is ultimately running the show, Ryan should be wearing red and black.

- I promise there will be no lame Michael Vick jokes throughout the draft.

- This drinking game is awesome. I'm so pumped Deadspin linked to it. It makes me believe that somewhere out there, a group of lonely college students is going to see the game and choose to play. They'll get bombed and, later in the evening, troll the town for swampass. One of them, who we'll call Kane, will end up finding a lucky lady. He'll go back to her place without realizing he left his jimmycap at home. But, in a drunken passion, he'll invade her tampon socket anyway. If it feels good, keep doing it. Then, a few months from now, she'll tell him she's pregnant but that, as a woman who believes she has a future, she isn't keeping the bastard. She'll head to some abortion doctor who is one patient away from buying his 8 year old son a new Wii. Thanks to Kane's poor decision, this doctor will now be able to give his son the Wii he's wanted. And it will be partially because of us. That makes me proud.

- Matt Ryan goes to the Falcons. I think, at best, he turns into Matt Hasslebeck. Hasslebeck isn't a bad QB by any means, but that's all the upside Ryan has. You can get someone with that potential in the second or third round. Then again, Ryan doesn't have the downside of some other recent QB prospects, so that's a plus for Atlanta.

- God, I hope the Ravens now take Henne at 8. Buffalo might actually have a shot at McKelvin or Harvey then.

- The Raiders should take Dorsey or Gholston here, but they won't. I'd guess McFadden is off the board here. So far the Jets are the big loser, as there's a chance they don't get a shot at McFadden, Gholston, or Long.

- Kansas City has to be fucking ecstatic. They could have their pick of either DT, Gholston, or Branden Albert.

- Keyshawn says McFadden reminds him of Reggie Bush, as if that's a good thing.

- McFadden heads to Oakland. Dorsey is the big loser thusfar.

- Kansas City has to be on the phone now trying to entice either New Orleans or Cincinnati to jump up for one of Ellis or Dorsey.

- For clarification, that was an entourage around McFadden. Dave Chappelle would have you believe the white guy is the scariest dude in the pack.

- Dorsey on the phone. He's likely the pick here. GldnKnight is extremely amused by Dorsey's watch. I haven't seen him this happy since McDonald's brought back the McRib.

- GldnKnight, in a fit of rage, just switched off ESPN and over to NFL Network because ESPN is tipping picks. Again. Man, he's pissed.

- The Jets have to take Gholston here. He's a perfect fit for Mangini's defense. New England should then be able to get a bidding war out of Cincinnati and New Orleans for Sedrick Ellis' services.

- I am extremely glad we don't have HD on the side TVs. Stan Van Gundy is an ugly fucking dude.

- NFL Network shows a little kid on top of his Dad's shoulders chanting that stupid fucking J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS chant. That kid will have a bright future working in a middle school cafeteria.

- Gholston disappears way too much on film to be worth the #6 pick. Derrick Harvey is a much safer option. Then again, if you can afford the risk, Gholston's upside might be worth it.

- Jets fans are happy. Gay.

- New England is in prime shape here. They can pretty much let other teams come to them for Sedrick Ellis or take any of the many players (Rivers, McKelvin, Harvey, Ellis, Albert) who fill their holes.

- God, I hope the Patriots trade back and select someone with a criminal history.

- New England trades with New Orleans, who will presumably take Sedrick Ellis.

- I had forgotten Orgeron was the D-line coach in New Orleans. That guy is fucking nuts. If you like college sports, I highly recommend Bruce Feldman's Meat Market. And no, that's not a sexual reference.

- New Orleans goes Ellis. This kid is awesome. It's too bad he has to live in New Orleans.

- Jacksonville apparently trades up with Baltimore. I'd bet the Ravens are looking at Henne for #26. Jacksonville has to be taking Derrick Harvey.

- The draft is breaking pretty well for Buffalo. If Albert is there at #11, they will probably trade down with either Kansas City or Philadelphia. They could also take McKelvin, who at this point might be there.

- Desean Jackson fits every stereotype with that picture.

- Kiper doesn't like Harvey, which means that he will, without question, suck.

- Sorry. I was going to try making it through the entire draft without ripping Kiper.

- At this point, if someone gunned down the entire ESPN crew on the air, I think GldnKnight would give a Tiger Woods fist pump.

- Harvey goes to Jacksonville. Cincinnati should go Rivers here, unless they decide to address the offensive line. In that scenario, Clady or Albert could come off the board here.

- Cincinnati goes Rivers, which was tipped by ESPN earlier.

- Jacksonville gives up a fuckload for Harvey. GldnKnight points out, correctly, that if the Jags believe they are a pass rusher away from the Super Bowl, it's worth it.

- Rivers is the 69th first round pick out of USC. Hehe.

- New England should go Albert or one of the corners here. Buffalo is in great shape.

- Mayock thinks they are going defense. GldnKnight thinks the Pats are going Mayo.

- +1, GldnKnight.

- TRADE THE FUCK DOWN, BUFFALO

- If the Bills don't trade down, they need to take McKelvin or DRC here. Albert would work too.

- NFL Network's highlight packages are far superior to ESPN's. As GldnKnight points out, they actually use, like, game tape instead of television shots that just follow the ball the entire time.

- Just don't take the WR here, Buffalo. Please.

- NFL Network reporting McKelvin is the pick in Buffalo. I'm ok with that. They need to work on trading back into the late first/early second round for a WR, however.

- Mayock just said that against Oklahoma State McKelvin got hit in the head with the ball three times. Apparently his ball skills blow. Fucking tremendous.

- Schefter is tipping picks on NFL network, making GldnKnight irate. The Clady pick was given away well before it was made.

- Mayock calls the Carolina pick, but this is bad. They needed to address the O-line instead.

- Bill Belichick rocking the solid pink shirt/tie combo and letting his hair grow. It's a perfect look for patching up 40 year old hatchet wounds.

- Billick brings up the Pats' Super Bowl loss in his interview with Belichick. Bill doesn't seem amused.

- Mort with the understatement of the year, saying that Chicago has "questions at QB."

- Chicago makes the smart selection, addressing the offensive line with Chris Williams. GldnKnight is visually disappointed Chicago did not take Mendenhall.

- Millen on the clock. This is always fun.

- Millen trades with the Chiefs, who have to be moving up to take Albert.

- Kansas City does take Albert. For the Chiefs to land both Dorsey and Albert is a coup.

- This is going to slow down significantly now. Sorry.

- Buffalo needs to look at trading up into the late first/early second round to grab a WR. If they trade back into the first, Seattle and San Diego are likely trade partners.

- Arizona skips on a RB, instead taking DRC. Not a bad spot for him, actually.

- Detroit goes for Gosder Cherilus. Millen addressing the offensive line? Strange. But smart. Otah is falling dramatically.

- Yeah, as GldnKnight points out, Houston needs to look at Otah here, if not one of the corners.

- Baltimore trades back up, presumably a QB. Mayock believes it's Flacco.

- I'm done with this for awhile. Instead, I'm going to enjoy watching GldnKnight get drunk. And maybe take a nap. I'll check back in periodically.

- Oh hey, there! The GldnKnight here to (drunkenly) supplement the live-blog. I'm all hopped up on Coors Diet, dmk's famous chicken wings, and gobs of puppy chow. So enjoy the show!

- Carolina trades up into the Eagles spot at 19. Henne? Otah? Colonel Cool?

- Otah it is. Solid pick considering he was a top-5 pick a few weeks ago. What's the story here?

- I'm a much bigger fan of the NFL Network broadcast. I just wish they had Jaws on set to help Mayock break down the film. Then I could say good riddence to ESPN forever.

- The Commish says "God Bless the United States of America".

- Side note: The drinking game has been a lot more tame this year. Thanks to the Miami Dolphins and Brady Quinn you made the 2007 NFL Draft a memorable one.

- Rich Eisen tried to sell me a phone in a sandwich. I almost gave him my credit card number, but then I realized I already had 2 cell phones this morning.

- Also, just announced were the logistics of the Panthers-Eagles trade. Carolina gave up a 2008 4th, 5th and a 2009 1st round pick to move up from the mid-2nd to 19th. Good deal for the Eagles. They'll still be able to get a WR in the 2nd round. They take Otah at 19.

- Could the Vikes convince the Bucs to trade Chris Simms for their remaining 2nd round pick? I'm a big fan of Simms and really think he could be a future star in this league. Maybe that's just the booze talking...

- Aqib Talib to the Bucs at 20. Great great value here for Gruden and company.

- Redskins trade the 21st pick to who? dmk is demanding the Bills trade up for Devin Thomas or one of the wide receivers. We'll see.

- Atlanta grabs Sam Baker OT from USC. BTW, our Mock Draft is exactly that. A mockery.

- Was that me running the 40 yard dash on the NFL Network? Nope, it was Sam Baker in white spandex, no shirt, and a terrific dmk-approved neck beard.

- Who are those people who sit at the teams tables in front of the stage at Radio City (or wherever the fuck it is nowadays)? Could have sworn there was a 10 year-old kid sitting at the Dallas table wearing head phones.

- Does Dallas go with Mendenhall here? Do they stick with Jones? Michael Jenkins perhaps? Some guy named Chris Johnson? Who the hell is Chris Johnson? And why is Mayock talking about him in the 1st round? Why am I so inquisitive? I sound like my girlfriend. Stop asking fuckin' questions!

- Jones goes to Dallas and sets up the complimentary relationship with Barber III. Solid pick, now they have to wait for one of the receivers at 28.

- The Steelers need an offensive lineman. Unfortunately the top 7 OL all already off the board. Mayock thinks WR... WRONG! Mendenhall to Steel-Town. Fuckin' ridiculous value at 23, and forms a dynamic duo with Fast Willie Parker. But will anyone open holes for them? Maybe they can draft that young lady whose picture graces our drinking game post. She looks like she'd eat some defensive linemen.

- In other action. Red Wings bust out the shovels and destroy the Avs 5-1, or something like that. Magic beat the Raptors in Toronto to go up 3-1 in the series. Kobe and Melo about to tip in Denver.

- So we now know who Chris Johnson is. And apparently he's kinda quick. Titans take him to be the game-breaker they desperately need.

- Seattle trades their pick to the Cowboys. Jerry's got his eyes on someone in particular. Deion and Mayock think it's likely Devin Thomas. Marshall (who might be dumber than Prime Time) is thinking Jenkins.

- Marshall's not as dumb as I thought. The Cowboys have now turned a weakness into a strength. They now have a terrific secondary.

- Meanwhile the WRs are in a free fall. Any chance that none are taken in the first round? With the remaining teams left, Texans, Chargers, Seahawks, 49ers, Packers and Giants, I wouldn't be surprised. We should see a lot of defense and perhaps a TE in the next 6 picks, barring a trade.

- Back to Flacco and the Ravens. I'm a big fan of Troy Smith and think he could be a young black Drew Brees. Plus aren't Flacco and Boller the same player? Big arm, poor feet, dumb decisions? I still think Brohm, in the right system, is the best QB in the draft.

- Dwayne Brady OT from Va Tech is the 8th OL taken in the first round. He'll enjoy Houston's night life for a few years.

- Chargers go with Antoine Cason. Good selection to fill the hole left by Florence.

- Seahawks gotta be going with Dustin Keller... in case you were wondering, no Liu doesn't get any puppy chow. That bitch can eat her own toes before she touches my puppy chow.

- Interesting. I thought for sure Keller or Balmer would be the pick, but rather its Lawrence Jackson DE from USC going to Seattle at 28. dmk thinks it's funny that Jackson is "quick to get off". Obviously a guy who understand that it's not a marathon.

- I'm sure no one noticed, but I apologize for the dead air. My mom stopped by the basement of pimptitude because she knew we had made up some puppy chow and came for her fair share. And you wonder where I get it from!?

- To round out the first round, Niners grabbed Balmer at 29, the Jets traded into the 30th spot and took Dustin Keller from Purdue. The Patriots did in fact select AIDS the PG from Africa. And the Giants took Kenny Phillips from Da U.

- That's it for now. dmk looks sleepy, and I feel like drinking more beer and eating more puppy chow. Neither of which I've had for at least half an hour. Perhaps we'll be back later with thoughts from what promises to be an interesting 2nd round. Then again, maybe not. Go fuck yourself San Diego.

Getcha Popcorn Ready

Beginning at 3 P.M. Eastern, dmk will be live blogging the draft. GldnKnight plans on playing the Deadspin-certified drinking game, with dmk potentially participating as well.

On a side note: Kids, don't ever, ever go to law school.

Icy-Hot Sensations' 2008 NFL Draft Drinking Game

Saddle up, sluts. We’re back with another drinking game, only this time hopefully you won’t be passed out within 3 hours. This game has the advantage of both strength AND length. It’s the exact opposite of my cock. Funny how that works.

Unlike the Final Four drinking game, you’re permitted to play this game alone. In fact, I even encourage it. Your alcoholism makes me feel better about my own, and I’m always willing to derive pleasure from your pain. Even if I don’t know you.

Necessary Requirements:

- Beer
- Your favorite sippin’ liquor
- Beer Bong
- Television
- Beltless, zipper-free pants

There are approximately 8 drinks in one beer. A shot is self explanatory; if you live south of St. Louis, pulls off the bottle are allowed. If a beer bong is not available, shotgunning the beer is acceptable.

Note: If you want to take this game to the next level, and are not employed by a company that randomly drug tests, you may substitute a whippet for a shot and a bong hit for a beer bong.

Note 2: Every person playing the game must “adopt” one team. You don't have to choose your favorite team as your adopted team, but you must maintain your adopted team for the duration of the game.

Take one drink:

- Your adopted team’s picks scroll by on the ticker
- Someone calls Chris Berman “Boomer”
- Keyshawn Johnson is mentioned as being a former #1 pick
- Any comparison of Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie to Antonio Cromartie
- Any team’s war room is shown
- Berman tips a team’s pick right before Goodell announces it
- ESPN advertises for one of their products
- A mustachioed front office executive or ESPN employee is shown
- Someone calls Ron Jaworski “Jaws”
- Any reference to butter
- Any EA sports commercial
- Someone says “National Football League” instead of NFL
- Kiper’s “big board” is displayed
- A draftee is shown at the podium holding up a number 1 jersey
- Any mention of the Wonderlic test
- Matt Ryan slips past the Falcons pick
- Any mention of Pac-Man Jones
- David Tyree’s catch is shown
- Any reference to “Spygate”

Take two drinks:

- Your adopted team makes a selection
- Your adopted team’s war room is shown
- A montage of your adopted team is shown
- Any trade is made
- Any draftee is interviewed
- Emmitt Smith mispronounces a word (Edit: Rumor has it he's not part of ESPN's draft coverage. Fuck. And thank God.)
- Comparison of Darren McFadden’s potential rookie impact to Adrian Peterson’s potential rookie impact
- Any mention of Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie only having one kidney
- Jets fans boo Keyshawn
- Any discussion of the Big 10’s lack of speed
- Berman references his “cab driver” in Buffalo
- Mario Manningham or Aqib Talib are deemed “risks” because of their admitted marijuana use
- Darren McFadden is drafted in the first five picks
- Kiper’s argument with Tobin is shown (the one where Tobin says “who the hell is Mel Kiper?”)
- Any large group of fans boo their pick
- Matt Ryan slips past the Chiefs pick

Take three drinks:

- Your adopted team is involved in a trade
- A current (non-draftee) player or front office executive of your adopted team is interviewed
- Any discussion of Brett Favre’s “retirement”
- Tom Jackson calls someone a retard
- Any reference to an anchor
- A video of Berman in a Hawaiian shirt is played
- Any discussion of Devin Thomas having one leg that is shorter than the other
- Any WR is taken in the first 15 picks
- Darren McFadden’s offspring are mentioned
- Any mention of Keyshawn’s feud with Wayne Chrebet
- A draftee’s entourage is shown celebrating
- Any reference to DaJuan Morgan’s poetry
- A draftee is shown wearing sunglasses indoors
- Matt Ryan slips past the Ravens pick

Take a shot:

- Kiper, or any other member of the ESPN crew, chastises your adopted team’s pick
- The Lions draft a WR in the first round
- DaJuan Morgan reads one of his poems on the air
- Erin Andrews appears on TV
- Jared Allen gets a DUI on draft day
- A synonym for “penis” is mentioned in a sentence with “Sean Salisbury”
- A Division 3 player is drafted
- Someone mentions a player being a “cancer” while Stuart Scott is on-screen
- Matt Ryan slips past the Panthers pick

Bong a beer:

- An NFL or team executive chews out Kiper
- Tavares Gooden, Darnell Jenkins, or Willie Cooper are mentioned as being members of the 7^th floor crew
- The Vikings miss a pick
- Pac-Man Jones or Chris Henry are arrested on draft day
- Roger Goodell suspends someone on draft day
- The Bills draft Malcolm Kelly at #11
- Cincinnati drafts someone with a criminal history
- Every pick past #13 Matt Ryan is not drafted
- Your adopted team drafts any of the following players: Limas Sweed, Mike Jenkins, Vernon Gholston, Ryan Clady, Jonathan Stewart, Joe Flacco, Kenny Phillips, James Hardy, Dustin Keller, Keith Rivers, Quentin Groves

Rules can be combined: for example, if your adopted team is the Bengals, and they inexplicably trade up to select James Hardy, you have 2 drinks for the “any trade” rule, 3 drinks for the “your team makes a trade” rule, 3 drinks for the “WR in the top 15” rule, 3 drinks for Kiper presumably criticizing your pick, 3 drinks for Tom Jackson calling the Cincinnati GM a retard, one beer bong for the “Cincinnati drafts someone with a criminal history” rule, and one beer bong for drafting James Hardy, meaning you have 2 beer bongs and 14 drinks.

Final Note: there is a 90% chance dmk will be live blogging the draft’s first round. If you’d like an insightful draft live blog, go here. If you’d like a funny draft live blog, go here. If you’d like neither, check back with us. Provided I don't puss out again, I might even play the draft drinking game while live-blogging; if I suddenly jump from talking about why Chris Williams doesn’t project as a franchise LT to why I’d like to take a nap inside Elisha Cuthbert’s finger hut, you’ll know what’s going on.

Icy-Hot Circle Jerk: Mock Draft Picks 20-32

#20 - Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Colonel Cool)

With the 20^th pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers select Limas Sweed, WR, Texas.


Galloway is getting old and the Bucs second receiver is 32-year old possession man Ike Hillard. Sweed has good size at 6'4" and was sidelined by a wrist injury last season, which means he and Cadillac Williams can develop a bond in the training room as highly touted young prospects who can't stay healthy.

I would not be shocked to see Gruden grab Flacco here. If he goes WR, I tend to believe he goes for Desean Jackson, but we'll see.

#21 - Washington Redskins (GldnKnight)

With the 21^th pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Washington Redskins select James Hardy, WR, Indiana.

With the reports circulating that the Bengals turned down the Skins huge offer (2008 first round and 2009 conditional third) for Chad Johnson, we now know two things. One, the Bengals are not going to trade Ocho-Cinco. And two, that the Skins are serious about landing a playmaking receiver.

Despite there having been two WRs taken with the previous two picks, all signs point to Washington selecting James Hardy from Indiana. As a big, sure-handed, possession-type receiver, Hardy would be a great complement to the dimiunitive and speedy Santana Moss.

Also considered: Phillip Merling

#22 - Dallas Cowboys (GldnKnight)

With the 22^th pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Dallas Cowboys select Aqib Talib, CB, Kansas.


Almost everyone and their mother has Felix Jones going to the Cowboys at 22. I'm going to go against the grain, if only because there's one player still on our board the Cowboys couldn't refuse at this point. Aqib Talib from Kansas.

Jerry needs a cornerback, receiver, and a running back. My feeling would be that with the 28th overall pick as well, the 'Boys could wait to pick up either Felix Jones or DeSean Jackson at that point, knowing that at least one of them will still be around.

Talib's coverage skills will shore up the weakest link for the defending NFC East champs and his drug history will fit right in with "America's Team".

(Stipulation: This is of course, assuming that Pacman Jones is out of the question. As he is most likely to be dealt before Saturday, the pick will still probably be Jones.)

This pick was made before Mr. Pac-Man headed to Dallas.

#23 - Pittsburgh Steelers (Colonel Cool)

With the 23rd pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Pittsburgh Steelers select Gosder Cherilus, OT, Boston College.

With the 23rd pick, odds are that most of us will be incoherent by this point in the draft, but the Steelers will pick Offensive Tackle Gosder Cherilus from Boston College. It's no secret that Large Benjamin spent a lot of time getting taken down to the turf last season, and with the departure of Alan Faneca, the Steelers line needs someone to help opposing defenses and Steely McBeam from getting to their quarterback and leaving him sore the next day.

#24 - Tennessee Titans (dmk)

With the 24th pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Tennessee Titans select Phillip Merling, DE, Clemson.

Look, I know the Titans desperately need WR's. If one of Kelly, Thomas, Sweed, or Hardy were left I'd take them. But they're all gone, and Desean Jackson blows. With a first round pick I'm not taking a WR who is smaller than Santonio Holmes' tube steak. The Titans can wait until the second round to bring aboard one of Andre Caldwell, Jordy Nelson, or Earl Bennett. Meanwhile, with the #24 pick, they can address their hole at DE with probably the best player left on the board.

Also considered: Desean Jackson

#25 - Seattle Seahawks (AJR)

With the 25th pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Seattle Seahawks select Kentwan Balmer, DT, North Carolina .

For a team coming off their fourth consecutive NFC West title, the Seahawks have pressing needs on the offensive and defensive lines, along with the offensive skill positions. Seattle will take a strong look at Dustin Keller at tight end, or DeSean Jackson at wide receiver and kick returner but ultmately decide on Kentwan Balmer, who will probably make dmk hard because of his connection to Butch Davis, Da U, and of course dmk's best buddy.

Who doesn't like naked kids?

#26 - Jacksonville Jaguars (dmk)

With the 26th pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Jacksonville Jaguars select Calais Campbell, DE, Miami (FL) .


Jacksonville has filled just about all their roster holes through free agency; however, they could still stand to upgrade their pass rush. Campbell is a risky pick, but his ceiling is as high as any DE in the draft. The Jaguars can afford to take the chance.

Also considered: Trevor Laws, Quentin Groves

#27 - San Diego Chargers (AJR)

With the 27th pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the San Diego Chargers select Jonathan Stewart, RB, Oregon.


A team that will undoubtedly challenge for the Lombardi trophy, the Chargers will look to add depth in the defensive backfield or offensive line. Chances are that San Diego is going to choose to add another second round pick this season and trade down to get a solid DB & OL. With trades out of the question for this particular mock draft, the Bolts elect to replace Michael Turner with Jonathan Stewart. At this point in the draft, Mel Kiper Jr is raving about the fact that Stewart ran a 4.4 40 w/ a turf toe injury...I really hope that MySpace page is real.

The MySpace page isn't real. Also, those Oregon uniforms are awesome.

#28 - Dallas Cowboys (GldnKnight)

With the 28th pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Dallas Cowboys select Felix Jones, RB, Arkansas.

The 'Boys are back with their second first-round pick of the day. After having officially added Pacman Jones for a fourth-round pick, and having picked Aqib Talib with the 22nd pick in this silly little venture we call a "Mock Draft", they have no need for another corner. I'll give them Felix Jones here, if only because he's now most likely theirs at 22 on Saturday. Neither he, nor Marion Barber III have ever carried the ball 25-times a game for an entire season and it would benefit both players to remain in a complimentary relationship.

#29 - San Francisco 49ers (AJR)

With the 29th pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the San Francisco 49ers select Desean Jackson, WR, California.



Do the Niners need another threat on O to help out Alex Smith & the running game or do they need Dan Connor/Quentin Groves to complement Patrick Willis?
I say O.

A very Martzian pick.

#30 - Green Bay Packers (GldnKnight)

With the 30th pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Green Bay Packers select Justin King, CB, Penn State.

The Green Bay Packers secondary was abused by Plaxico Burress, Eli Manning and the rest of the New York Giants on a day that was meant for the Pack to go Back to the Super Bowl. The two lasting memories from the 2007 season for Packer vans will be 1) Brett Favre's OT pick that put the Giants in field goal range and 2) Burress and company working over Al Harris and a weak Packer defense.

They've, unwillingly, repaired the Favre memory with his subsequent retirement and the promotion, finally, of Aaron Rodgers to starter. I like Rodgers to be better than most are predicting, and could certainly lead the Pack into the playoffs. Healing the remaining open wound will be done sometime late Saturday night as Green Bay will select a cornerback with the 30th pick. The question remains however, which one?

Brandon Flowers, Antoine Cason, and Justin King are all potential late-first round picks and each has a slightly different skill set.

Flowers (Jr., Va Tech) is a smallish guy at 5'9" and 190lbs. Although he's physical, his lack of height certainly hurts him in deep ball situations. Cason (Sr., Arizona) is a bit rangier at 6'0" 190lbs, with an explosive burst, but he lacks the overall athleticism that might be desired. King (Jr., Penn State) is somewhere between the previous two in terms of size at 5'11" and 190lbs, but ran a 4.3 40-time at the combine and with his physical play I believe he is the perfect fit for the Packers and Lambeau Field.

If you remain unconvinced about Antoine Cason, please watch the clips from Oregon-Arizona.

#31 - New England Patriots (dmk)

With the 31st pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the New England Patriots select AIDS, PG, Africa.


One can only hope.

#32 - New York Giants (GldnKnight)

With the 32nd pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the New York Giants select Dan Connor, LB, Penn State.



The defending champions certainly are not perfect and have some holes to fill voided via free-agency. Safety Gibril Wilson and linebacker Kawika Mitchell are both gone from a defense that held the highest scoring offense in NFL history to 14 points. Most "expert" mock drafts have the Giants taking the highest-rated safety on everyone's draft board, Kenny Phillips from Miami. However, almost all of these folks also have Dan Connor going prior to the 32nd pick.

If both gentlemen are still on the board, the Giants should take the player they feel fits their most immediate need. From what little I know about the Giants, I'd have to take Dan Connor if he's still available. He fits their tough, physical style of play, and is an intelligent and instinctive player. Phillips is a great centerfielder but lacks any desire for the physicality it will take to replace Wilson. Plus he's from South Florida and you have to be careful when dealing with those types; all hopped up on UV rays, steroids, and whatever it is that causes douchebagness. Also, you can never go wrong with a linebacker from Linebacker U.

No Jerod Mayo?

It can only be Jaayr-red!

The most important acquisition of my tenure as a Vikings fan occurred yesterday when the NFL’s reigning sack champion, Jared Allen, was acquired in a trade with Kansas City and subsequently signed to a six-year contract. Allen, who tallied 15.5 sacks on a terrible Chiefs defense a season ago, will give the Vikes a big-time pass rush on long yardage situations on second and third down. Jared will also be an upgrade against the run, making the NFL’s best run defense, even stronger. His sack numbers will likely go down this year, due to the fact that he will be playing on a better defense, next to a pair of All-Pro defensive tackles. The quality of his defensive line mates, as well as the improved pass defense will limit Allen’s chances of getting to the quarterback. Thus, Mr. Allen’s impact will not only be measured by the number of quarterback sacks or the improvement in Minnesota’s pass defense, but more importantly, wins and losses.
With all of this hype now surrounding the purple, I just have one request for Jared:

TAKE A CAB!

I know, I know, he has supposedly given up drinking and changed his lifestyle since his third arrest for driving under the influence in Fall 2006. Call me crazy, but I am skeptical of his assertiveness on this topic. We have been burned before with substance abuse problems, after the athlete assured the organization in addition to the public that his antics were in the past. I sincerely hope I am wrong about Allen, but I also hope that Vikings fans, the media, and the National Football League do not give him a free pass about his checkered past. If there is not an air of skepticism about Jared, then it is clear that there is something more to the Vikings and NFL’s code of conduct and America’s interpretation of its athletes.

This past January, Allen opened a sports bar & grill in the Kansas City area. Upon hearing about this story, two interpretations entered my thoughts. Either Allen has a certain fondness for that particular Kansas City neighborhood or he is possibly up to his old tricks. Either way, if you had gotten into trouble with the law because of alcohol related incidents and nearly damaged your career as a professional football player, would opening a bar be the most prudent of options?

Hopefully, #69 is true to his word and his sobriety or else he will likely be meeting with Mr. Goodell, once again.

Ways to Combat Earth Day

Seeing as today is some goddamn hippie festival called "earth day," I decided to come up with ways to combat those crazy bastards that try and be friendly to the environment. Seeing as I live in an apartment where I am responsible for paying electricity, I've tried to avoid the obvious "leave all lights, tvs, dvd players, playstations, stereos on for my imaginary friend during the day." Here are some ideas that I came up with:

- Use paper towels for anything and everything, including drying the dishes (I normally air dry because I'm lazy), drying your hands, and even drying yourself off after the 5 needless showers per day I will take this week
- Continue to not recycle anything, and will be on the lookout for any product that is made from recycled materials and refuse to buy it
- Smoke at least one cigar everyday during earth week
- Use a different bowl/plate for every different item in my meal
- Drink only bottled water, and only drink half the bottle before getting a new one because "this one is getting warm"
- Request a receipt for anything and everything, just to use the paper
- A diet consisting of meat with every meal, and for snacks
- Only use paper/plastic dishes, cups, eating utensils
- Pack my grocery items be placed in individual bags
- Even though I have a buzz cut, I will use aerosol hairspray every morning to make sure my hair stays in place
- Cut down a tree for no reason, just to combat those fuckheads who plant a tree
- Have a bargeque using tires to light the flame
- Turn on every light when you leave the room in a public place, so you can waste energy on someone else's dime
- Plug in your laptop, charge you ipod, charge you phone, and anything else that uses energy while you are at school or at work, even when they do not need to be charged
- Print out multiple copies of memorandums, reports, papers, etc
- One time in undergrad I left our shower running as hot as it goes for 3 days to create a sauna in the bathroom
- The other great idea we had in undergrad was what we termed the "Man vs. Wild" competition. In the dead of winter (in Minnesota when the temperatures were subzero) we turned our thermostat all the way up (we didn't pay the heating bill) and then opened all our windows and put box fans in the windows running on high. We did this for 24 hours straight, and bet on the temperature. With an over/under set at 65 degrees, nature won as our room temperature dropped down into the high 40s.

Commencement for Dub-C, Lil’ Newt, and the 7th Floor King Ding-a-Ling

Suite 704 - The Place Where It All Began

Is this thing on? Good.

The 2008 NFL draft has a number of notable story lines. Howie Long’s kid. Darren McFadden’s kids. The Bills inevitably driving me to spend the night drinking vodka/paint thinners. Surprisingly, one story overlooked by the national media is the last members of the 7th floor crew graduating to the NFL. The U now has to find new players able to construct a song that, while gangbang-themed, is also not meant to disrespect any women in its entirety. Locating that type of player is much easier said than done.

Currently, 4 members of the 7^th floor crew reside on NFL rosters. Hollaman is a Patriot, Big Beast a Panther, and G-Reg a Bear. T-Buck is an Arizona Cardinals practice squadder, which is fortunate since in Arizona it’s warm enough to fuck outside on his T-Bird’s trunk. Big Nick is the only member, besides non-athlete Marvelous, without a potential NFL future.

(Quick note on Hollaman: Some say that Hollaman is not actually Brandon Meriweather, but instead is Aikeem Jolla, a WR who transferred from the U to “be closer to his family.” Judging from Hollaman’s lyrics and Meriweather’s history, I’m going to continue believing Brandon is the real Hollaman.)

This Saturday, three more members of the crew could be selected: T-Good is projected to be drafted anywhere from the 2^nd to 4^th round, Lil’ Newt is expected to be a late 2^nd day pick, and, if it’s a good day and some team feels a need to employ a safety with a strong desire to “trick or treat,” Dub-C could see his name called in the 7^th round. Let’s review these 3 upstanding members of society and what their NFL futures hold.

T-Good (Tavares Gooden)

Favorite verse:

“She found out there was more to Miami than just a football team

There’s also the 7th floor king ding-a-ling

She thought 5-2 was just my number

Then she realized

You multiply the bitch up

Dog you get my dick size”

The self proclaimed “Big Dick Bandit” and only Crew member to publicly identify himself on tape, Gooden is an athletic outside linebacker expected to go anywhere from the middle of the 2^nd round to the 4^th round. Gooden can run, but questions remain about his tackling ability and projection to the NFL, as it's believed he might have already maxed out all his potential. Some project T-Good could eventually move to middle linebacker, where he would be a sideline to sideline presence, albeit an undersized one. Wherever he lands, let’s hope his new squad gives number multiplying up to 10.

(It should be noted that, prior to the 2007 season, Gooden had already graduated with a double major in criminology and liberal arts. Must be the St. Thomas education in him.)

Lil’ Newt (Darnell Jenkins)

Lil' Newt and G-Reg, laughin' at these guys

Favorite verse:

"After sucking my dick

She had somethin’ to say

She said,'Newt your dick is good and also great'

It’s a nut she wanted to taste

While my balls bouncin’ all over her face"

Lil’ Newt is an undersized (at least on the field), not particularly quick WR who was unable to be playmaker in the Miami passing game. Granted, he had these dipshits throwing him the ball, but Jenkins career was, as a whole, disappointing. Still, he can immediately contribute in the NFL as a returner and special teams guy, and could one day turn into a 3^rd or 4^th rotational WR. I expect he’ll get a chance to pull it out his pants and have them watch him wiggle it on the second day of the draft.

Dub-C (Willie Cooper)

Favorite verse:

"you came as a good girl

but you leavin’ a ho

now you wonder why they call me Thundercat

now you know"

Cooper could never make a significant impact in the Miami secondary, and this wasn’t a secondary like the 2001 team's, which had three starters selected in the first round without considering backups Sean Taylor and Antrel Rolle. I’ll be surprised if Cooper is even drafted. However, if the Pats are looking for someone to roll with Hollaman, Cooper does have experience there.

Icy-Hot Circle Jerk: Mock Draft Picks 16-19

#16 - Arizona Cardinals (AJR)

With the 16^th pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Arizona Cardinals select Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, CB, Tennessee State.

Courtesy of my buddy, who I am gonna let post every now and then. His call name will be T. Frank S III.

Eric Green and Roderick Hood. Roderick Hood and Eric Green. Not two of most intimidating corners in the league. Hell, they aren't even the best corners on the Arizona roster. Seeing how Antrel Rolle was moved to FS from CB near the end of last season, the Cardinals are definitely in need of some help.

There are a bunch of CB's that could be taken here, but with the 16th pick the Arizona Cardinals select Dominque Rodgers-Cromartie. The buzzsaw (yes, pun intended) has been rising since his solid Senior Bowl showing. As you know DRC is the cousin of this guy and if he can make catches like that, while using both hands to make it easier, he should be a solid player. Arizona could shy away from DRC, due to his lack of quality experience against NFL level talent, as well as the glaring need to put on a few pounds. "Working out" should help.

From what I've heard through the grapevine, Matt Leinart is pushing for the Buzzsaw to pick this and a beer bong. Fun times.

Also considered: Jonathon Stewart, Aqib Talib, Mike Jenkins

I have no idea who that fucking guy is (the poster, not DRC). Rodgers-Cromartie has the highest ceiling of any CB in this draft class, but he's also the most likely to be out of the league within 5 years. He's also a guy who, if his last name was "Rodgers" instead of "Rodgers-Cromartie," would likely go in the 2nd-3rd round. Yup - seems like an Arizona Cardinals draft pick.

#17 - Minnesota Vikings (GldnKnight)

With the 17th pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Minnesota Vikings select Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida.


Let's take a look at the past 10 years of first round draft picks by the Minnesota Vikings:

1998: Randy Moss WR Marshall (21st overall)

1999: Daunte Culpepper QB Central Florida (11th)

Dimitrius Underwood DE Michigan State (29th)

2000: Chris Hovan DL Boston College (25th)

2001: Michael Bennett RB Wisconsin (27th)

2002: Bryant McKinnie OT Miami (7th)

2003: Kevin Williams DL Oklahoma State (9th)*

2004: Kenechi Udeze DE Southern California (20th)

2005: Troy Williamson WR South Carolina (7th)

Erasmus James DE Wisconsin (18th)

2006: Chad Greenway LB Iowa (17th)

2007: Adrian Peterson RB Oklahoma (7th)

Out of the 12 picks it seems that 5 have had standout careers in Minnesota (Moss, Culpepper, McKinnie, Williams, and Peterson). Two were complete busts (Underwood and Williamson). The other five have had relatively productive, or are at least still potentially productive, careers (Hovan, Bennett, Udeze, James, Greenway). I didn't think I'd be as happy with their past draft choices, until I did this little breakdown. They haven't been awful, especially if James, Udeze, and Greenway can stay healthy and productive. * Even with the debacle that was the 2003 First Round where the Vikings failed to pick at the seventh spot and were passed up by the Jaguars (Byron Leftwich) and the Panthers (Jordan Gross), they still ended up with Kevin Williams, who they claimed they wanted the entire time.

Even with the recent quantity of first round defensive lineman the Vikings are in desperate need of a legitimate pass rusher. As I type, there are rumors flying about that suggest the Vikings are likely to trade the 17th overall pick to the Chiefs in exchange for Jared Allen who will be paid $8.8 million this season as a franchised player and is reportedly seeking for Dwight Freeney (6-year, $72 million) type of money. Obviously, the Vikings would like to have an extension agreeed upon before trading away the 17th pick. I'll save my commentary for this until we know for sure.

But being that Commissioner dmk is not allowing any "draft-day" trades, I have to find someone for the Vikes to select at this spot. These rumors will tell you that they are serious about their need for an elite pass-rusher and if Derrick Harvey was still on the board, he would be theirs. Reaching slightly for Phillip (at least there are two "L"s, unlike some) Merling here doesn't seem logical, although maybe they'll pull off the ol' 2003 trick and slide down to 20th or 21st and take him there. This is not suggested.

With the addition of Bernard Berrian, the Vikings receiving corps is still fairly young and unproven, but has shown flashes of brilliance. Reaching here for Limas Sweed, DeSean Jackson, or James Hardy only to have them sit behind Berrian, Aundrae Allison, and Sidney Rice makes little to no sense. They could use some depth at linebacker, but there is little value here for Jerod Mayo at 17. I'd love to see the Vikes wait until the second or third round to pick up Brian Brohm, Chad Henne, or even Dennis Dixon as none of these guys have value in the mid-first round. And with none of the top four offensive tackles left, they could look at Brendan Albert as a right tackle, but I believe they could find good competition for Ryan Cook in the later rounds.

The best value at this point in our silly little draft would be with either Michael Jenkins or Aqib Talib. As a Tampa-two scheme defense, the Vikings would love Jenkins, the more physical and stronger of the two players. Jenkins has top-ten talent, but is sliding because there are more glaring needs (offensive line primarily) for a lot of the other teams from the Ravens on down. Talib has a couple inches of height on Jenkins and needs some time to develop his technique, which is reasonable request behind a healthy Winfield, Griffin, and McCauley. There are "character issues" with Talib, something Childress and company are desperately trying to avoid.

(Side note: Trading for Allen, who was suspended for four games at the beginning of 2007 because he was convicted of two DUIs in a year, doesn't seem to mesh with their "culture of accountability" either. But hey, its cool. He's a great player, not some unproven rookie.)

Mike Jenkins is the pick.

And for another year, the Vikings passing game will be as fun to watch as Carrot Top, Dennis Haskins, and HHH taking Star Jones to the 7th floor.

#18 - Houston Texans (dmk)

With the 18th pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Houston Texans select Branden Albert, OL, UVA.


Houston's primary needs are OT, CB, and RB. No RBs are worth taking here; Jonathan Stewart is an excellent prospect, but injury concerns drop him down the board. Aqib Talib, Brandon Flowers, and Antoine Cason are all better suited for defenses emphasizing mainly zone schemes. There are questions about whether Albert can shift outside, but most believe that he can. Houston takes him here based on his potential, but shouldn't count on immediate contributions from him at LT. He might start the year at LT, but he'll probably struggle. Still, Albert's potential is too good to pass on here, and the Texans get tremendous value taking him at #18.

Also considered: Jonathan Stewart, Aqib Talib, Kenny Phillips

#19 - Philadelphia Eagles (GldnKnight)

With the 19th pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Philadelphia Eagles select Malcolm Kelly, WR, Oklahoma.


Along with decorating the Christmas tree as a family, shooting off fireworks on the Fourth of July, and singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" during the seventh inning stretch, the Eagles fans booing their first round draft pick is a rich and storied tradition. They even booed Donovan McNabb in '99 because he wasn't Ricky Williams. The dumbfucks.

The Iggles will take Malcolm Kelly and they'll boo because he's a "whiner", but in five years they'll be glad they have Kelly and not Limas Sweed or DeSean Jackson.

Also considered: Sweed and Jackson

Icy-Hot Circle Jerk: Mock Draft Picks 11-15

#11 - Buffalo Bills (dmk)

With the 11^th pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Buffalo Bills select Devin Thomas, WR, Michigan State.

Because I don’t have a very rich social life, I spent about two hours contemplating this pick, putting myself in the shoes of the actual Bills’ decision makers (Tom Modrak and Dick Jauron). They were surprisingly uncomfortable.

Entering this draft, Buffalo has 3 primary roster holes. They are, in order of priority, WR, TE, and CB. Secondary needs are DE, SS, and C, with depth at LB and RB being late considerations. With one additional 4^th rounder and 2 additional 7^th rounders, Buffalo has 10 total draft picks, meaning they can meet all of their roster necessities.

At #11, the Bills' best option will be trading down, particularly if the board falls the way it has in the Icy-Hot draft. Buffalo should be able to entice the Vikings or Lions to move up for Derrick Harvey; failing that, some team, such as Carolina or Chicago, may target a trade up for Rashard Mendenhall. By trading down a few slots, Buffalo can, according to the newly updated trade value chart, potentially pick up an additional 2^nd rounder. Then the Bills can select a WR who still has value at #17, such as Thomas or Malcolm Kelly, while packaging both second rounders to trade back into the late first round for a CB, such as Brandon Flowers or Antoine Cason. When the Bills don’t trade down and reach for a player at #11, I’m going to throw a vase through the fucking window.

Being forced to make a pick at #11, I considered a multitude of players and, in a negative selection process, crossed them off in the following order. Here are the reasons why:

Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie: Rodgers-Cromartie tested tremendously well but hasn’t played against a high level of competition. Sure, he looked good at the Senior Bowl, but his body of work is less than impressive. He would be worth a shot as a late first round pick, but at #11 gambling on raw potential is too much of a risk. Also, the Bills new regime of Modrak and Jauron greatly prefers “football players” over “workout warriors,” so I doubt DRC will be the pick.

Limas Sweed: Sweed is a good possession receiver, but he’s also a guy who is above-average at many things but not great at anything. I wouldn’t mind him late in the first round, but not at #11. In fact, I’d probably take James Hardy before Sweed.

Malcolm Kelly: The Bills staff loves Kelly, but this is way too early after his 40 time. Kelly has great hands, is a willing and able blocker, and, until he got a yeast infection following his slow 40, was deemed to be a high character guy. Seems like the type of player Modrak/Jauron typically go for. If Buffalo doesn’t select a WR at #11, I expect them to try trading back up to the late first round in order to select Kelly. I’d be fine with that, actually.

Branden Albert: Offensive line isn’t a pressing need for the Bills, but if they believe Albert is the best offensive lineman in the class, taking him at 11 isn’t a bad option. I’m shying away because there are greater needs. However, Albert is actually a decent real-world possibility.

Brandon Flowers and Antoine Cason: I’m grouping these two together because I crossed them off for essentially the same reasons. While both Flowers and Cason are great fits in the Bills’ Tampa 2 defense, neither is worth the #11 pick. Flowers is a physical corner with exceptional tackling ability, but he comes with size issues; Cason is physical and a dynamic returner with speed issues. Both should be available later in the round. If Buffalo takes a WR 11th, they can probably trade up into the late first round for one of the two.

Derrick Harvey: As a fan, I want the Bills to take Harvey here. Even if he is a fucking Gator. Harvey represents the best value at #11; he improves the team in both the short-term and long-term. I don’t expect the Bills to be any more than a 9-7 team, at best, this upcoming season. If the Bills want to grow into a Super Bowl team, they need to take the best players available and worry about position scarcity later. Harvey does much more to make this team a Super Bowl contender down the road than Thomas will, unless Thomas inexplicably turns into a star WR and they re-sign Lee Evans this offseason. Harvey would add the pass rush presence a Tampa 2 team needs; in the Tampa 2, getting pressure on the QB with solely a 4 man rush is necessary for an effective execution of the defensive scheme.

While Harvey would bring more to the Bills defense than Thomas would to the Bills offense, if my job is on the line, I can’t justify leaving a WR on the board and potentially having to line up Josh Reed as the starter opposite Lee Evans. The Bills would again put up 14 points on a good day, and you can’t expect to succeed if your defense is required to hold the opposition under two touchdowns in order to win.

Therefore, Michigan State’s Devin Thomas is the choice here. Thomas is 6'2, 215 and runs a 4.40 40; while he wasn’t exactly productive prior to 2007, as a junior Thomas was able to dominate the Big 10 (79 catches, 1260 yards, 8 TDs) with almost zero help around him. He doesn’t have any major off the field issues that would drop him off Buffalo’s board. Thomas is also a dynamic kick returner, meaning if he isn’t ready to start the opener against Seattle, he can at least contribute as a third WR/kick returner.

The main downside to Thomas? What a gay jersey number.

I just talked myself into reaching for a player based on need rather than value, which is exactly what I don’t want the Bills to do. Fuck. I’m a pussy.

#12 - Denver Broncos (AJR)

With the 12th pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Denver Broncos select Ryan Clady, OT, Boise State.

After losing Javon Walker (Free Agency to Oakland) and Brandon Marschall (3 Round, TKO loss to his Home Entertainment Center), the Broncos suddenly have serious preguntas at receiver. With no general manager currently running the show, one would have to assume Mike"I am the most overrated coach in the NFL" Shanahan will be calling most of the shots in the "war room". I do not see a guy like Shanahan picking a receiver as a Top 12 pick. Plus, it looks as though Denver is addressing their vacancies at wideout through free agency by adding Darrell Jackson and Sammie Parker.

The Broncos need help with their offensive line after the retirement of Matt Lepsis and the uncertainity around the return of Ben Hamilton and Tom Nalen from season-ending injuries. I think they will select Clady, who many think is one of the top seven players in the draft, over Brenden Albert.

#13 - Carolina Panthers (Colonel Cool)

With the 13th pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Carolina Panthers select Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois.

The Panthers have an aging quarterback, need to solidify their offensive line, and are looking for help in the backfield. With the top OTs already off the board, I'm going with Mendenhall as a great complement to DeAngelo Williams in the running game. As long as I'm playing the role of GM, I'm also going to order that Angela Ellen Keathley and Renee Thomas be reinstated to the TopCats. I'm sure Big Beast would be more than happy to have them back, he might even be a candidate for Defensive MVP with this new motivation.

Another trade down candidate or, alternatively, a logical landing spot for Albert. OL is a much more glaring hole, but the Panthers inexplicably don't believe in DeAngelo Williams, so they'll probably grab a RB here.

#14 - Chicago Bears (GldnKnight)

With the 14th pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Chicago Bears select Chris Williams, OT, Vandy.

Yeah, but Globo Gym's got guys named Laser, and Blazer, and Tazer, and all kinds of "azer's"! Without Patches, we're going to get our taints handed to us, that's what!

I hate the Chicago Bears. Maybe not quite this much. But growing up outside of Chicago as a Vikings fan was not easy. Most Vikings fans passionately hate the Packers. I on the other hand actually root for the Packers when they aren't playing the Vikes. It seems that all my NFL rival hatred is stored up for only one team. This being said, I would love for the Bears to reach for Joe Flacco here and bring him in under the tutelage of two great leaders. Sadly, it seems they are more likely to go with an offensive tackle at this spot and after Otah and Clady the only true tackle remaining (Branden Albert's more of an inside guy) is Chris Williams from Vandy. He's the easy pick here.

Also considered: Albert, Flacco, Ryan Leaf

Fun fact: At one time, Ryan Leaf and GldnKnight were employed in the same field.

#15 - Detroit Lions (GldnKnight)

With the 15th pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Detroit Lions select Derrick Harvey, DE, Florida.



With the top four offensive tackles and Mendenhall off the board, the Lions will likely focus on a pass rushing defensive end with the 15th pick. The pick: Derrick Harvey from Florida. Since no one really gives a flying fuck about the Lions let's move on to the Cardinals at 16.

Also considered: Jerod Mayo, Albert, Jesus

Goddammit. I already hate myself for passing on him.

Don't Tase Me Brah!!!

Read this on ESPN.com this morning: "The Rays placed reliever Al Reyes on the 15-day disabled list with shoulder impingement and activated Kurt Birkins. Reyes was shocked with a stun gun and arrested last Friday after police say he fell against a ceramic pot in a bar, got up and picked a fight with a man he thought pushed him."

Not exactly what you hoping for from one of your players if you own a professional sports team, but hey, these young kids make mistakes. I've been in a few bar fights, sometimes people in there 20s and early 30s have a little too much to drink and need to take out some aggression. It's not ideal, but it happens and it's understandable.

Oh yeah, but this all happened while Reyes was celebrating his 38th birthday. The guy is 38 and still getting in bar fights and getting stun gunned by the cops? I'm guessing there's going to be a dead hooker or two at the end of his 40th birthday party.

Hugs and Handpounds!

That's right all 4 of you who read this blog: Hugs and Handpounds is back!

HANDPOUNDS go out to the following people/teams:
- Denver Nuggets and Atlanta Hawks: both teams clinched playoff births last night.
- Pittsburgh Penguins: Beat up on the Senators to take a commanding 3-0 lead in the series
- Minnesota Wild: beat Colorado in yet another overtime game to take a 2-1 series lead in Denver
- Albert Pujols: 8-for-16, 3 HR, 7 RBI in the last week

People who could use a HUG:
- Carrie Underwood: No buckles at the CMT Awards last night. I'd love to be the one to give her that hug, and maybe a backrub, and then see what happens from there
- Prince Fielder: 2-for-19, 0 HR, 1 RBI in the last week
- (Speaking of fat guys) GldnKnight: Just remember buddy- it's only food, its not love.
- Miikka Kiprusoff: Gave up 3 goals in just over two minutes. Luckily his team came back for a huge win over the Sharks Monday night
- Carmelo Anthony: Busted for a DUI. If you have that much money, call a limo or helicopter or something to take you home after a night of drinking.

Icy-Hot Circle Jerk: NFL Mock Draft Picks 6-10

#6 - New York Jets (dmk)

With the sixth pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the New York Jets select Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas.

The Jets have holes all over the defensive side of the ball. However, the way the board has gone thus far McFadden presents the best combination of value and need at #6. While Mangini would eat up Gholston or Chris Long in a heartbeat, the current best available defensive players don’t fit the Jets 3-4 defense. Sedrick Ellis doesn’t fill a huge need, Keith Rivers doesn’t fit as a 3-4 OLB, and it’s a bit too early for Derrick Harvey. No WR’s are worth the #6 pick either. Leodis McKelvin would fill a need, but with the Jets spending last year’s first rounder on a CB they’ll probably go in a different direction this year.

McFadden will add a new dimension to the N.Y. offense; he's a threat to score every time he touches the ball, unlike the current RBs on the roster. While he’ll likely split carries with Thomas Jones, McFadden has an opportunity to make an Adrian Peterson-like impact in his rookie year. Sure, the Jets still won’t be able to throw the ball without a QB or WRs, but combining McFadden with the rebuilt offensive line should give the Jets the running game they’ve been lacking. If the Jets really want to be ballsy, they could go for Matt Ryan here, but it’s more likely Kellen Clemens gets a year to prove himself.

On a side note, getting out of the South should help McFadden avoid any future Birmingham Booty Calls.

Also considered: Matt Ryan, Leodis McKelvin

#7 - New England Patriots (dmk)

With the seventh pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the New England Patriots select Leodis McKelvin, DB, Troy.

Team Belichick’s foremost desire will be trading down. Nobody available at #7 really fills a need the Patriots couldn’t address later in the draft at a lower cost; in this case, trading down is a savvy move. New England would rather not pay a ton of money to an unproven draftee, but since trades aren’t an option in the Icy-Hot mock draft, they’ll be selecting here.

New England’s primary needs are in the defensive back seven and on the offensive line. The linebacking corps is old, the defensive backfield has suffered a number of losses this offseason, and the offensive line was exposed in the Super Bowl. Still, none of the holes are stretched wide enough where the Patriots have to reach for a prospect, so the Pats can take the best available player.

That being said, New England should select Troy cornerback Leodis McKelvin. Paying out the value of a #7 pick’s contract to an interior lineman, such as Brandon Albert, or solid-yet-not-spectacular OLB, such as Keith Rivers, is neither fiscally responsible nor an efficient value maximization. If the Patriots believe Albert can shift to LT, he is a solid choice. Otherwise, potential shutdown corner McKelvin is the best selection. Using the money required to pay the #7 pick on a corner fits a team’s salary structure much better than using the same money on an OLB or OG. Derrick Harvey is an intriguing option as a 3-4 DE/OLB, but this is a bit too high for him.

New England doesn’t normally spend big on corners, as illustrated by their signings of Jason Webster and Fernando Bryant to replace Asante Samuel and Randall Gay. Adding McKelvin would give the Pats a solid nickel-back as insurance for whomever wins the duel to start between the oft-injured Webster and the underwhelming Bryant. With his kick/punt return ability and potential as a gunner, McKelvin could, at the least, be a special teams ace as a rookie. Eventually, McKelvin should team with Hollaman as the future of the New England secondary.

Also considered: Brandon Albert, Ryan Clady, Derrick Harvey, Keith Rivers

#8 - Baltimore Ravens (Colonel Cool)

With the eighth pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Baltimore Ravens select Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College.


New coach, new offensive coordinator, new quarterback. The Ravens have an aging defense with needs help on the line, at linebacker, and at corner, but I think with Ryan still on the board and some top defensive prospect going early, Ryan will be their selection.

When I typed "Matt Ryan" into a google images search, the second page was full of gay porn. I did this in the middle of a class. Awkward. I'm not sure that means anything, but it's worth noting.

#9 - Cincinnati Bengals (Colonel Cool)

With the ninth pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Cincinnati Bengals select Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC.

The Bengals defense has been absolutely terrible for quite a while now. With Chris Henry gone, the Bengals are looking to fill holes on defense and in the local jail. Tavaris Gooden seems like a great fit, but I think he'll be available in later rounds. Although I'm unaware of any legal trouble by Kenny Phillips, he is potentially first round talent that went to the U and at times plays pretty undisciplined football, so I'm going to assume he could continue the Bengals legacy. However, I think the Bengals will go with Ellis if he's still available.

If he can't reunite with Big Beas in Carolina, Hollaman in New England, G-Reg in Chicago, or T-Buck in Arizona, the 7th floor king ding-a-ling landing in Cincinnati would be pretty tight.

#10 - New Orleans Saints (Colonel Cool)

With the tenth pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the New Orleans Saints select Keith Rivers, LB, USC.


I would not hit that.

The Saints had one of the worst pass defenses (30th) last year and really need to improve at corner and linebacker. I was struggling to decide which of the many solid corners available would be the best fit, so I copped out and went with the best outside linebacker available.

Picks 11-15 coming later this week. If I'm angry enough, I might write a 9,000 word column on the Bills selection.