The Good Ol' Days

Simmons mentioned this as a candidate for a NBA "Amazing" commercial in this column today and I would agree with him 110 percent.

Not This Sh-t Again

Vikings Fan (yes, there's one of you in this situation): did you get enough Brett Favre speculation last year? No? Well, you were probably the only person in America who feels that way, but get ready for more Favre-to-Minnesota rumors.

Amid chatter that Brett Favre is contemplating coming out of retirement yet again, the Jets announced Tuesday evening that they have released the former Green Bay Packers great from the reserve/retirement list.

The move means that Favre is now free to sign with any team, if he wishes and the Jets wouldn't be owed any compensation because they no longer have his rights.

Favre's release from the Jets could pave the way for him to come back with the Vikings, the team he originally wanted to play for following his bitter divorce with Green Bay.

``Bus (Cook) and Mike (Tannenbaun) have been talking about this for a while,'' said Favre in a statement. ``Nothing has changed. At this time, I am retired and have no intention of returning to football.''

Last August, when the Packers traded Favre to the Jets, the deal mandated that the Jets would have to give up three first-round picks if they traded Favre to Minnesota or any other NFC North team.

As joyful as it would be to see Favre systematically destroy another team's season, the giant media suck-off of Favre remains annoying as fuck. And thanks to this release, we could all be subjected to another round of it. How joyful.

Still, if the Vikings offer Favre a 1 year deal sometime in June or July, what are the chances Favre would turn it down? 10%? 20%? And what are the chances Childress is dumb enough to be contemplating bringing in the land baron? 75%? 85%?

Favre is like the anti-game manager. If Childress wants a QB to hand off 35 times, minimize turnovers, and occasionally complete a play action pass, Favre isn't the QB he should want on his roster. Granted, T-Jack and Sage aren't either. But those two clowns already on the squad, so Chilly is stuck with them, for better or worse.

(HT: TC blog for the SI cover)

I'm Beggin' You for Percy

The NFL Draft is and always will be a guessing game for the league’s 32 teams. Every year some prospects will crash and burn, hindering the team that selected them for years to come. Other top picks will blossom into Hall of Famers and/or Super Bowl winners, making their respective front offices look like geniuses. This is why there is no reason to get worked up about your favorite team’s draft (also see: Eagles Fans + McNabb). That being said, leading up to the Vikings’ selection during the NFL Draft, I mentioned to dmk how angry I was going to be if the Vikings selected Florida WR Percy Harvin with the 22^nd pick.

Unless you’ve been in solitary confinement with a case of the Swine Flu, you know that this did indeed happen. Although my qualms about taking Harvin over Mississippi tackle Michael Oher were significantly lessened with Minnesota’s second round selection of Phil Loadholt, there is still a problem with taking Harvin…that has nothing to do with his apparent affection for some dank-ass weed.

Clearly, if you have read this blog before, you know my problem with Percy will have absolutely, positively nothing to do with smoking pot. In fact, the idea that an athlete smoking marijuana is somehow more of a menace to the league, his team, or society is asinine. The names Leonard Little and Dante Stallworth should clearly exemplify the double standard of society and specifically professional athletes when it comes to marijuana versus alcohol. This issue, however, is a column for another day.

The reason I am apprehensive about Harvin is because of the fact that this guy is injured almost as much as he is healthy. In his three seasons in Gainesville, Harvin missed part or all of two or more games every year. His absences add up to seven out of a possible 41 contests, meaning THE GUY WAS INJURED 17 PERCENT OF THE TIME. If you compare Harvin to the NFL player he most closely resembles both in size and playing style, Reggie Bush, you will see that Bush has missed a total of 10 games in his 50 game career (including playoffs). You do not have to be a mathematician to know that Bush, the #2 pick in the 2006 draft, has missed twenty percent of New Orleans’s contests.

I do know a dynamic talent like Percy is hard to pass up, especially when your offense is unimaginative and stagnant (even with the games best running back). He should add another dimension to the offense and also the special teams, as Harvin's return skills should be on par with other specialists like Hester, Bush and Ginn, Jr. Ultimately, the Harvin selection will be tied to the careers of Oher and Loadbolt, as a risky first-round pick like Percy will look a hell of a lot better if their second-round tackle outperforms or matches the production of Oher. Harvin will also look better if either Tarvaris Jackson or Sage Rosenfels is able to elevate their game to a competent NFL quarterback level.

Needless to say, I think the Vikings will be lucky to get more than 12-13 games per season from their 5’11” 192lb. draft pick. Was that worth the 22^nd selection in the draft? Only time will tell, but the Vikes’ pick will look a lot better if Percy manages to avoid the WAAAAAAM-BULENCE and stay on the field, injury free.

Douchebags Coaching Douchebags

Yesterday, former Missouri QB, onetime Heisman hopeful (boy, THAT went well), and guy who's clearly outkicking his coverage Chase Daniel signed with the Jesus squad in Washington. The primary reason for that signing, as pointed out by the GldnKnight:

"Chris Meidt was the guy that worked me out at the combine, and he really liked me," Daniel said of the Redskins assistant coach.

A match made in shithead heaven. And if the above picture didn't convince you Daniel is an asshole, the fact that he has a Twitter should do it (God, Twitter is like Alabama-retarded). Even more evidence is one of his "tweets":

I can't believe 15 years of hard work, determination, dedication, motivation, perseverance, will, heart, and leadership comes down to 2 days

Good News, Gopher Fans!

Hey, Gopher fans! Are you excited for the opening of TCF Bank Stadium? For most of you, the answer is yes. Watching games in an outdoor college stadium should be infinitely more enjoyable than trudging through games at the Dome.

But some of you may be wondering: isn't it going to get cold during the November home games? How am I going to keep myself warm while still showing my undying Gopher support?

Thankfully, someone was thinking about you.

If you go to the big sports schools like Michigan, North Carolina and Texas, you’ll be able to buy a Snuggie with your school’s logo on it this Fall. The price will be $19.95 and will be sold on television, in drug stores and, in some cases, campus stores, according to Crystal Sims, director in non-apparel marketing of the Collegiate Licensing Company, the IMG firm that represents nearly 200 schools on licensing endeavors.

No word yet if they'll include the book light, but they should, because college kids will probably use them.

+1 to the article's author for that last line.

Now, with a Minnesota Golden Gophers snuggie, you can keep warm AND be fashionable AND support your team. All while wearing AJR's favorite accessory. Snuggies are "great for sporting events," after all. And by "sporting events," I'm guessing the makers meant OUTDOOR sporting events, not Division III basketball games.

(Much thanks, Deadspin)

Some Final Draft Thoughts

- Yesterday, in the live blog, I criticized the Vikings selection of Percy Harvin. Well, allow me to retract that criticism. Not because there weren't better players on the board to fill the Vikings' needs - Michael Oher would have been a fantastic selection - but because the Vikes solidifed their line by adding Phil Loadholt. The first day combination of Harvin and Loadholt should immensely help Minnesota's offense. Now, if they just need someone to throw the ball.

- Brad Childress' justification for the Harvin selection was a bit...well, odd. That justification:

When Childress was asked early why the Vikings didn't take a tackle in the first round, he said, "Offensive linemen can't make plays."

And that, my friends, is completely moronic. I understand Harvin's playmaking ability will add an aspect to the Vikes' offense that wasn't present before. But Minnesota's offense is geared towards a strong running game, and just because offensive tackles aren't "making plays" in the open field doesn't mean they aren't extremely important commodities. A team full of stellar offensive linemen can always muster up some kind of offense, because an elite line is the driving force behind a running game and, all things considered, more important than an elite running back. Ignoring an offensive line to acquire playmakers outside leaves you with a team that can't get the ball to those playmakers and allow them to operate in space. But the Vikings addressed the offensive line later, so it's a moot point. I guess.

- One more thing on Harvin. Evaluate this quote from Percy, where he discussed Childress' visit with him:

"We just kind of shared some stories, some funny stories," Harvin said. "We laughed, we giggled. We played around.

Even Neil Patrick Harris thinks that visit is gay.

- Outside of their sixth and seventh round picks, where they stockpiled DBs despite already having a shit-ton of qualified DBs on the roster, I was happy with Buffalo's draft. They addressed the pass rush, added some offensive linemen, and picked up a TE in the 4th round who should immediately contribute as a pass catching weapon. Yes, they ignored the LT position, but as one of their executives accurately said: Who was available at the 11th pick or later that would have been a better 2009 option than Langston Walker? Nobody, that's who.

- Finally, I'd like to welcome Thurman Murman to Buffalo Bills. (HT: KSK for picture)


I always wondered what happened to that kid. Shit happens when you party naked.

Holy B'Jesus

For those of you into NASCAR, the last lap of today's Aaron's Auto Parts 499 at Talladega was incredible, culminating in this amazing wreck which involved Carl Edwards. (Fast forward to the 1:30 mark if you cannot handle any "racin").



WOW.

IHS 2009 NFL Draft Live Blog

This man is providing NFL Draft analysis on ESPN. Even we can do better than that.

Good day, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the Second Annual IHS NFL Draft live blog. dmk will be flying solo today, but he will stay with you most of the day. I advise you to stay indoors and follow along. While, in certain areas of the country, the weather outside may be beautiful, a real-life version of The Stand is playing out (my guess? Starkwood wasn't fucking around, but decided to attack Mexico instead of the U.S.). You don't want any part of that. Stay inside. Stay safe. Stay with us.

In pre-draft, non-OMGAPOCALYPSE news:

- Everyone is rumored to be in love with Mark Sanchez. The Jets are supposedly trying to trade up for him, the Redskins may make a move for him, and the Seahawks, Rams, Jaguars, Broncos, and 49ers all remain linked to Sanchez. He's like Brody Jenner, only slightly less douchey.

- Kansas City wants to trade out of the #3 slot, but has found no takers.

- New England is denying the reports they want to move into the top 10. Based on the Patriots' past draft history, that rumor didn't make much sense to begin with.

- Josh Freeman may go to the 49ers at #10, or he may fall out of the first round. He's at the draft, so if he free falls his reaction should be fun to watch.

- Erin Andrews is at the draft. I haven't seen her yet, so I have no idea what she's wearing. But I'm hoping her outfit consists of nothing but whipped cream and chocolate syrup.

I'll be back around 3, when the draft officially kicks off. The 2009 drinking game is here.

Draft Begins

The Lions are on the clock, and they're going to take Matt Stafford. And I have to say, this pick is completely fucking retarded. Stafford has issues with this decision making and accuracy, which are only the two most critical issues for a QB. But he has a big arm, and that can be tempting to teams who think they can coach up accuracy and decision making.

If you're interested, you can buy a Matthew Stafford jersey here. There's no better way to burn your hard-eared $100.

Lions select Matthew Stafford.

Everyone boos. That's fucking fantastic. I don't know who the tall blonde is with Stafford, but wowza. I'd even consider sporting his haircut for her.

By the way, Stafford looks like a fucking goon, and he talks like a goddamn yokel. I love that Kiper keeps emphasizing Stafford's arm strength and the capability of his skill position players at Georgia but doesn't ever acknowledge his negative traits. Kiper's also giving Stafford's upside as "not a Hall of Famer, but good." Sounds like a GREAT #1 overall pick to me.

Oooohh, Mark Sanchez is on the phone!

Rams select Jason Smith.

St. Louis makes the smart choice. Smith has the lowest ceiling of the 4 top OT prospects, but he also has the highest floor. At worst, Smith turns into a quality starting guard. At best, he's a top 5 NFL tackle.

Smith also has a nice purple shirt/tie combo.

I do agree with Kiper that Sanchez would have been an excellent fit playing in St. Louis. The dome would have masked some of his arm strength issues, and he could have sat and learned behind Bulger for a year or two. But taking Smith also works, because if the Rams suck again they can take a QB in next year's QB rich draft and jettison Bulger without incurring a ridiculous salary cap hit.

Now, some intrigue begins. Kansas City has to be choosing between Tyson Jackson, Aaron Curry, and B.J. Raji. Were it me, I'd take Raji, because quality DTs are always a premium commodity. But Curry could be a dominant ILB in the Chiefs' 3-4 scheme, and Jackson would be an immediate starter at DE. The Chiefs really can't go wrong with any of those three.

Herm Edwards wants the Chiefs to play to win the game by taking a "rush linebacker." That would convince me to stay away from a "rush linebacker.

Steve Young is talking about how if you don't "love football," you won't succeed in the NFL. Drew Bledsoe proved this wrong, as he acknowledged pretty much hating football. Stefan Fatsis chronicled this as well in his book A Few Seconds of Panic.

Chiefs select Tyson Jackson.

Probably a bit of a reach to select Jackson here, but if the Chiefs REALLY wanted a 3-4 DE they had to take Jackson here. Former LSU teammates Jackson and Glenn Dorsey should combine for a formidable Chiefs defensive front.

Seattle has to take Curry here, according to most of ESPN. I still think they could take Sanchez, but Curry wouldn't shock me.

Seahawks select Aaron Curry

Safe choice for Seattle. Curry should replace Julian Peterson outside and be an anchor in the Seahawks defense for the next 8-10 years. He's not a flashy pick, and he won't, by himself, get the Seahawks back in the NFC West race. But he signals that Seattle isn't rebuilding, and in the weak NFC West he could be a key part of making Seattle competitive again.

Speaking of anchors, AJR will be dropping by in a few. I'll provide you with his thoughts as well.

Cleveland could trade out of this spot with someone looking for Mark Sanchez or even Michael Crabtree. If they keep the pick, I'd bet on Raji or Orakpo being the pick.

Mark Sanchez looks like the type of Hollywood, prima donna douchebag I'd want to kick in the fucking teeth, but by all accounts he's actually a decent guy. Not Leinart cool - I have a friend who went to USC and said Leinart was actually a cool dude.

PSA for GldnKnight: Free KFC on Monday.

Looks like the Jets are trading up for Mark Senchez. AJR correctly points out how the Jets have fucked themselves over the last few years: using a 2nd rounder on Clemens, trading multiple pick for Favre, releasing Pennington, and now trading multiple picks for Sanchez. Smart managment there.

New York selects Mark Sanchez

And the New York douche crowd erupts. Bunch of assholes is the consensus in the room.

Sanchez should fit well in N.Y. provided they don't throw him into the fire right away. If he sits and learns, Sanchez will be an excellent QB, but he's not ready right now.

The Jets give up 3 players, their first round pick, and their second round pick. Hell of a lot to give up, but if Sanchez is the franchise QB they think he is, he's worth it.

Cincinnati is supposedly enamored with Andre Smith, which would be an epic fail of a pick. The only way Smith's combine could have been worse is if he would have drunkenly stumbled to Roger Goodell's room at 4 A.M., showed Goodell the loose woman with low self-esteem hanging on his arm, and said "Yo Rog, what's hot in the streets? Listen, I'm f'nna let baby girl ride all night. I need a rubber, a key, and a map of the city. We cool?"

AJR points out that Andre Smith's room looks like Big Momma's House. Not an inaccurate statement at all.

Cincinnati selects Andre Smith.

Thank you, Bengals. You just saved Buffalo from themselves. Smith's combine must not have hurt him much, but Cincinnati probably isn't the best place to harness his maturity issues.

I can't see how or why Oakland would pass on Crabtree, but they apparently like Maclin and Heyward-Bey, with Heyward-Bey being a carbon copy of Troy Williamson.

Oakland selects Darrius Heyward-Bey.

And we have our first reach of the day. Bey's a workout warrior who looks great in shorts, but yeah. Passing on Crabtree and Maclin for him? Bad idea. Kiper says he's "shocked," which is an appropriate reaction, as both Kiper and McShay give this pick an F.

Just fail all around here. Jacksonville has to love this, as they get their pick of Monroe or Raji, both whoh will help him. The graphic showing the Raiders draft history is dubious, at best.

Crabtree has a fucking diamond encrusted watch and a pink/purple shirt, which is awesome. Crabtree may end up in Green Bay, which would be a terrible development for the Vikings and the rest of the NFC Central.

Herm Edwards likes the pick, which is always a bad sign. This pick really does resemble the Troy Williamson pick.

Jacksonville selects Eugene Monroe

The smart, safe pick. Monroe and Tra Thomas make a dynamite tackle combination for the Jags and should ensure they maintain a strong ground game. Monroe also has a diamond encrusted watch. I need to get me one of those.

Even though they have big needs on defense, Green Bay could easily take Crabtree here if he's the highest rated player on their board.

Judging by the reaction in Raji's house, including a random curly haired white kid, it looks like Green Bay is taking Raji. Another smart, safe pick who fills a need for Green Bay.

Green Bay selects B.J. Raji

How far does Crabtree drop? San Francisco probably won't grab him, Buffalo and Denver will pass, and no other teams in the teens have a huge WR need. Someone may trade up for Crabtree. The Giants? Vikings? Colts? Eagles?

Crabtree's on the phone, so maybe the 49ers are going to take him. It would be a smart pick - he's the best player on the board - but they do have bigger needs.

San Francisco selects Michael Crabtree

Best WR in the draft, maybe the best player in the draft. Value wise, it's a good pick all-around. And the new fire-engine red 49ers jerseys? Fucking awesome.

Now, Buffalo's on the clock, and I'm absolutely terrified they reach for Pettigrew or Ayers. If they grab Oher I'll be fine with the pick. I'd rather them trade down, though.

Buffalo selects Aaron Maybin

And that goes against everything every Buffalo writer thought, but it's a good pick. Maybin will immensely help Buffalo's pass rush. I really like this pick, actually. One of the few times I can say that.

Denver up, and they have to go defense unless they want Freeman.

Knowshow Moreno is shown playing cards and wearing his hat sideways. That's awesome. The only way it could get better is if a bucket of fried chicken were in the middle of the table.

Denver selects Knowshow Moreno.

Wow. After signing Correll Buckhalter and Lamont Jordan, Denver takes another RB despite huge needs on defense. And every ESPN personality is ripping the Josh McDaniels, which is awesome.

This pick may have topped the Raiders pick as the worst pick of the round. They have no clear need at RB and huge holes on defense. Just a terrible idea.

Washington selects Brian Orakpo.

Great pick from Washington in that Orakpo helps a needy Washington d-line. With adding Haynesworth as well, the Redskins have greatly improved their defensive line. Something smart from Daniel Snyder? Didn't see that coming.

New Orleans needs to help their defense, but they also want a bigger back to complement Reggie Bush. I'd go defense and one of the USC 'backers, but I don't see New Orleans doing that. Maybe Malcom Jenkins instead.

Jenkins is on the phone, and it looks like he's the guy.

New Orleans selects Malcom Jenkins.

Great pick. He's an immediate starter at S or CB.

Houston's up, and they also have defensive needs. Cushing or Matthews fit here.

Houston selects Brian Cushing.

Help for the defense. Cushing does have injury issues, so he may not be the safest pick, but Houston has a need at LB and Cushing fits. If he's healthy, this is a good idea.

Cushing talks like an idiot and looks the part with his pony tail.

San Diego has needs on the offensive line and at linebacker, but they could take the rapidly dropping Maclin. I like Oher or Everette Brown in this spot, but it wouldn't surprise me to see the Chargers grab a WR for Laserface.

Maclin is shown, and he doesn't look happy. But I doubt he falls past the Eagles, if someone doesn't trade up for him in the meantime.

San Diego selects Larry English

English is a decent pick here because he fits as a 3-4 OLB. Berman's saying he dominated the MAC, but he supposedly didn't dominate like the scouts wanted him to at that level. There were some concerns he never played up to his ability. Still, it's not a bad pick.

Cleveland's back up, and if they want a WR Maclin is still sitting out there.

Cleveland trades with the Bucs. Tampa has to be moving ahead of Denver for Josh Freeman. He's the only one worth trading up for at this point.

The Browns are doing a hell of a job moving down and accumulating picks. That's a massive rebuilding job Mangini has on his hands, so the more players the Browns can bring in, the better.

Tampa Bay selects Josh Freeman

He's Raheem Morris' boy. I don't like Freeman. It's never a good sign when your weakness is listed as "bad decisions." Freeman is raw and won't be ready to play for a few years. Freeman's direct comparison is most often made to Roethlisberger. I don't see that, but hey. I'm not making the picks.

Denver really needs to go defense. Supposedly they're going Ayers, which I guess would be ok. Werder's trying to give the Broncos' reasoning for Moreno. It still sounds retarded.

Denver selects Robert Ayers

Another workout warrior, but at least he fits a need for Denver. Still, a very curious first round for the Broncos.

Detroit is up in two picks, and it's worth noting that if they come away from today with Matt Stafford and Michael Oher they've done a tremendous job.

Cleveland trades down AGAIN, this time with the Eagles. This must be for Maclin or Pettigrew.

Philadelphia selects Jeremy Maclin

As AJR points out, Maclin and Jackson returning kicks is a terrifying thought. Philadelphia's offseason additions probably make them the NFC East favorite. They're going to be a damn good football team.

Detroit is up, and this has to be one of the Mississippi kids, Jerry or Oher. I'm still hoping Pettigrew falls to Buffalo at #28, but I'm fearful Baltimore will grab him at 26.

Detroit selects Brandon Pettigrew

FUCK.

Pettigrew's a good pick, though. He's an all-around TE who should help Stafford alot. Not as much as an offensive lineman would, but he'll help.

Oher may drop to the Vikings. That would be quite the coup to him.

Cleveland selects Alex Mack

Rog had a nice pause after "Cleveland has selected." Humorous.

Mack's a decent pick. He may have been available later, but that's not a bad choice. He does help the Browns' offensive line, and they have other picks which to address the defense. A solid day for a woeful Cleveland franchise.

And the Vikes are on the clock. Were it me, I'd take Oher here, but we'll see what Minnesota does.

Minnesota selects Percy Harvin

HAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAAHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

pause.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHHAHA.

Just terrible. A gadget player for a team that needs more than a gadget player. AJR is now "so mad. You have got to be fucking kidding me."

How the Vikings leave an offensive lineman on the board is beyond me. Mort's correctly pointing out how Harvin has character issues and the Vikings are trying to get rid of guys with character concerns. AJR pointed out the same thing. It's really just a terrible pick for a variety of reasons. So, it's on par with other decisions from the Speilman/Childress braintrust.

New England's up, and they could grab Oher (who is now the guy I hope falls to Buffalo). They could also take a LB.

Actually, Baltimore traded up. No idea who they're targeting.

Baltimore selects Michael Oher.

Eat shit, Baltimore.

Baltimore is actually a great spot for Oher. They can ease him into a starting position and turn him into a dominant tackle. Oher does talk like someone straight from the streets, which if you hear his backstory makes sense. And what he's saying about how "you could have taken me in the 7th round, I don't care, I'm going to stay in the league forever once I get in the door" is a good indicator of what type of kid Oher is.

Atlanta's up, and they need a DT. Perry Jeria fits.

Atlanta selects Peria Jerry.

Good choice. Fills a need. Solid player. Miami's up, and let me be the first to say they can choke on all the dicks. Especially if they take Clay Matthews.

Miami selects Vontae Davis

A corner. Smart. Miami had a big need at corner, and as long as they can control Davis he'll help them. Davis should slot in as a nickel guy to start and gradually work his way into the starting lineup.

Parcells does a nice job in Miami. Even I can admit that.

Vontae and his family were spraying something, and both AJR and I are hoping it was Kristal. Combining that reaction with Moreno sitting at a table playing cards and we're hitting all the stereotypes today.

New England needs linebackers. One of the remaining USC guys or Laurinaitis works.

The Patriots trade with the Packers, who presumably are moving up for a defensive guy. Everette Brown? A USC 'backer? Laurinaits? If I keep saying their names, will someone select them?

Green Bay selects Clay Matthews.

DOUBLE FUCK.

Although, as AJR correctly points out, anyone whose family all wears muscle milk shirts are guaranteed to be a tool. Just like in my mock draft, Buffalo is F.U.C.K.E.D.

Indianapolis could go defense, but Hakeem Nicks fits their type of WR.

For some reason, a bunch of U.S. Military personnel is on the stage. No idea why they're here, but hey, salute the troops, I guess. A USA chant is sorely needed.

And there's the USA chant. Tremendous. Although Colonel Cool is pretty sure he saw a Jets fan boo the military, which would be equally awesome, if not deplorable.

Indianapolis selects Donald Brown.

Well, they already have Joseph Addai, so I have to ask why. But Brown's a good player. He doesn't help their awful defense, but Brown and Addai should be a pretty good RB tandem.

And Buffalo's back on the clock. One would think they'd address the offensive line, but that would require one to assume Buffalo's front office is logical. That's an assumption I'm not ready to make.

Buffalo should trade here, as there's nobody here they couldn't get 10 picks later. But the Bills won't do that. They'll reach for someone instead.

Buffalo selects Eric Wood

Fine. Interior offensive lineman. He fits well. He's a need, and he can start right away. Good choice. They can address TE or OLB in the second round. I have no qualms with Buffalo's selections so far. Shockingly.

New York Giants select Hakeem Nicks.

Great pick. My favorite WR in the draft. Good hands, runs good routes. He should play a big role immediately.

Tennessee may be taking Beanie Wells, as he's on the phone. Well, that would be moronic considering all the RBs currently on their roster, but weirder shit has happened.

Tennessee selects Kenny Britt

Nice choice. Britt looks the part and produces. Plus, Tennessee has a need at WR.

Beanie Wells must be going to Arizona next. They need a RB and he'd complement Hightower very well.

Arizona selects Chris "Beanie" Wells

And Edgerrin James is done ins Arizona. Wells helps the Cardinals rushing offense. Not as much as an offensive lineman would, but yeah. Wells is the choice.

ESPN is now bringing out a female "injury analyst" with a fivehead. Not an attractive lady, and I have no idea why she's being brought in now instead of when Crabtree was picked. Really, she just wasted another minute of my life. Or another minute that wasn't wasted on this blog.

Pittsburgh has to be going offensive line, but the question is who?

Pittsburgh selects Ziggy Hood

A defensive lineman, but a fine choice.

We're now onto the second round, meaning our work here is done. Enjoy the night, and thanks for sticking with us. Here's hoping the Vikes monumentally fuck up their second round pick in an entertaining fashion.

It's Going Down

The NFL Draft live blog six people read and three people follow will return for another action packed Saturday afternoon. Stop by around 2:30 for all your pre-draft information. We'll stay with you for the entire first round, at the least.

Minnesota residents: the weather is going to be pure shit this weekend. What's a better way to spend your Saturday than following the draft with us? Well, besides following the far more entertaining KSK live blog. Who knows: maybe I'll make another inappropriate comment about our Native American friend.

In the meantime, please enjoy the following to help you prepare for the draft.

IHS 2009 Mock Draft (10% of the time, we're right every time!)

IHS 2009 NFL Draft Drinking Game

Drew's Draft Day Jamboroo (note: history's gayest picture of the author here)

Football Outsiders' fantastic draft preview

We hope to see you tomorrow afternoon. The draft is one of my favorite sports days of the year, and I'm fucking STOKED. I'll be decked out in my TO throwback Bills jersey (Yes, I own one. It even has the 50th season patch. I'm a fucking douche), and I'll do my best to follow along and respond to comments.

So, if you're with us, feel free to leave a remark in the comment section that personally offends me, reminds Colonel Cool that Lowe's is having a sale on rope this week, or brings up a legitimate point about the draft.

IHS 2009 NFL Mock Draft

This time of year, everyone and their fuck buddies enjoys publishing completely uninformed mock drafts that consist mostly of guesswork. Well, why should we be any different? As a good way to kill your Friday, our mock draft is below.

Were it me, I wouldn’t take Matt Stafford until the end of the first round, because he sucks. And I wouldn’t go near Andre Smith, because he’s batshit crazy. But real GMs are making these picks, not me. Each team’s selection is based on what I think teams WILL do, not on what I think teams SHOULD do.

When I’m evaluating this mock draft, I focus more on the range the player is chosen in and the position each team selects. If I’m reasonably accurate there, I reward myself a cookie, which GldnKnight subsequently steals, because he’s fat. Also, I'm well aware multiple trades will be made, but I'm not projecting any because projecting trades is an even bigger waste of time than constructing a mock draft.

That said: If more than 30% of these picks are correct, we’re all gonna get laid.


As a bonus to you all – because I love you – I’ve added who I would take in italics below each selection. So, essentially, you’re getting two mock drafts for the price of one. Think of you and the two mock drafts as a bizarro NFL threesome.

1. Detroit Lions: Matthew Stafford, QB, Georgia.

Congratulations, Lions fans. You’re getting a franchise QB who played in an NFL system, on a team full of NFL talent, and put up worse numbers than David Greene did in the same situation.

Sure, Stafford has all the physical measurable, and he’s intelligent. He certainly COULD be molded into a franchise QB. But I still have reservations about him, primarily because of his inability to deliver the ball on time and accurately while in college.

If the Lions feel they can coach him to overcome his tendency to hold onto the ball too long, then I guess it’s a smart pick. But I wouldn’t wager the #1 overall pick on that gamble when safer picks like Jason Smith and Aaron Curry are available.

dmk’s choice: Jason Smith

2. St. Louis Rams: Eugene Monroe, OT, Virginia.

Reports are that the Rams are choosing between Monroe and Mark Sanchez. I’d bet the Sanchez interest is just a smokescreen in an attempt to get someone desperate (Redskins, Broncos) to trade up.

Monroe’s a safe, excellent choice provided his knees have checked out. St. Louis needs to replace Orlando Pace, and Monroe was very good in college. He should step into the Rams open LT position from Day 1.

dmk’s choice: Eugene Monroe

3. Kansas City Chiefs: B.J. Raji, DT, Boston College.

For entertainment purposes I’d like to see them grab Michael Crabtree, pair him with Dwayne Bowe, and let Matt Cassel throw the ball 60 times a game. But Scott Pioli’s a defensive guy, so that won’t happen.

Now that all the bullshit character concerns about Raji’s drug tests have gone up in smoke (*high fives self for gay line*), Raji should be Kansas City’s selection. Aaron Curry may be the safest pick, but he’s a 4-3 OLB who doesn’t fit K.C.’s 3-4 scheme unless they want to play him as one of the ILBs.

In the Chiefs’ scheme the NT is the most important player, and Raji can step into that 3-4 nose role right away. Glenn Dorsey can drop some weight and shift outside, giving the Chiefs a potentially fantastic defensive line.

dmk’s choice: B.J. Raji

4. Seattle Seahawks: Mark Sanchez, QB, USC.

Seattle has a ton of needs and should go with the best player available. Jason Smith could easily be the pick here, but with Matt Hasslebeck getting older the Seahawks need to start thinking about his replacement.

Seattle may not get another chance at a QB with Sanchez’s talent and upside, so they pull the trigger here. If Seattle doesn’t take Sanchez themselves, I’d expect someone like Denver or Washington to trade into this slot and take Sanchez. Cleveland is said to be taking either Sanchez or Crabtree, so if the Broncos or Redskins want to guarantee themselves a shot at Sanchez they need to move up to this slot.

dmk’s choice: Michael Crabtree

5. Cleveland Browns: Aaron Curry, LB, Wake Forest.

I had Michael Crabtree here until yesterday, when Braylon Edwards trade talks broke down and the Browns reportedly removed Crabtree from their draft board.

So, in spite of their best efforts, considering they didn’t need to trade a WR just to select another one, the Browns may actually make a smart selection.

Cleveland’s selection should come down to Aaron Curry or Brian Orakpo. Orakpo can immediately step in to the OLB/DE role in Cleveland’s 3-4 defense, while Curry would slide in as an ILB. Cleveland’s bigger need is at OLB, and that’s a more important role in the defense. But Curry’s the safest pick in the draft. I just don’t see them passing him up.

dmk’s choice: Aaron Curry

6. Cincinnati Bengals: Jason Smith, OT, Baylor.

Cincinnati has to be ECSTATIC Smith dropped to them. The Bengals desperately need a LT to protect Carson Palmer, and Jason Smith is probably the safest pick out of all the available LTs in the draft.

dmk’s choice: Brian Orakpo

7. Oakland Raiders: Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech.

Oakland should take one of the falling defensive players, like Brian Orakpo, or at least an offensive lineman. But WR is also a need, and Crabtree may turn out to be the best player in this draft if he’s properly motivated. I don’t see Oakland as the best place to properly motivate Crabtree, but stranger shit has happened.

dmk’s choice: Jeremy Maclin

8. Jacksonville Jaguars: Jeremy Maclin, WR, Missouri.

Jacksonville has a huge need at DT, but with B.J. Raji off the board no DTs are worth this pick.

The Jags could also take a look at an OT like Andre Smith, especially considering they just signed Torry Holt. But Smith comes with lots of question marks and Holt isn’t a long term solution at the WR spot.

Maclin brings instant speed to Jacksonville, albeit with little route running ability. Still, the Jags should hope that Maclin can learn from Torry Holt and eventually progress from a #3 WR this year into a #1 WR when Holt is ready to retire.

dmk’s choice: trade down with a team who wants Mark Sanchez. Otherwise, Malcolm Jenkins.

9. Green Bay Packers: Brian Orakpo, OLB/DE, Texas.

Green Bay needs OLB/DE help, and Orakpo fits their 3-4 system perfectly as an OLB. He’s clearly the best defensive player left on the board who fits the Packers’ needs. If the Packers decide to address the DE position in the 3-4 defense, Tyson Jackson is a possibility here.

dmk’s choice: Everette Brown

10. San Francisco 49ers: Andre Smith, OT/Dumbass, Alabama.

San Francisco would love for Sanchez to fall, but if he doesn’t they’ll address the QB situation later, as this is too early for Josh Freeman.

The 49ers next biggest need is a tackle, and Smith is, to some, the best player left. I wouldn’t touch Smith. It’s hard for me to justify spending millions and a first round pick on a player who showed up to the biggest job interview of his life out of shape, acted like a complete assbag while at the interview, and fired his agent two weeks before the draft, as if that would fix the problem.

But NFL teams still like Smith, as he was the best tackle in college football last season. If someone feels they can control him and coach him up right, I guess he’s an acceptable risk.

dmk’s choice: Mark Sanchez

11. Buffalo Bills: Robert Ayers, DE, Tennessee.

*heavy sigh of inevitable disappointment*

After the trade of Peters, which lowered the Bills’ talent level but was a necessary evil because of Peters’ insane contract demands, Buffalo has needs at OT, G, DE, TE, and OLB.

Reportedly, the Bills love Andre Smith, are high on Ayers, Pettigrew, and Matthews, and don’t particularly like Oher. Now, these reports could be inaccurate, but this seems to be the consensus from all the Bills writers I read.

Buffalo’s dream scenario is to emerge from the first round with two from Smith, Ayers, Pettigrew and Matthews. Since Smith is gone, the Bills take Robert Ayers, a good looking DE who dominated the Senior Bowl but was never able to put it together in college.

Buffalo takes Ayers over Aaron Maybin and Everette Brown because the Bills don’t like drafting “situational” players, and they view Maybin and Brown as pass rush specialists better suited to be 3-4 OLBs than every down 4-3 DEs. Ayers can be a 4-3 DE.

The only reasons I don’t completely hate this pick are (1) it’s not Andre Smith, meaning the Bills were saved from themselves and (2) Mike Mayock thinks Robert Ayers will turn out to be the best defensive player from this draft. And Mayock knows a shit-ton more about football than I ever will.

dmk’s choice: trade down with one of the teams desperate enough to jump Denver for Matt Stafford. The Lions would work as that team, as they could package the #20 pick and some of their later picks to move up. But we’re not projecting trades, so the selection is Michael Oher.

12. Denver Broncos: Tyson Jackson, DE, LSU.

Denver takes a 3-4 DE to fortify their defense. The Broncos could also take Everette Brown or Aaron Maybin if they want a 3-4 OLB, or Rey Maualuga if they want an ILB. But Jackson’s the best player on the board and the least likely to be available late, so he goes here.

On a side note: Denver has a ton of picks in this draft and had one of the league’s worst defenses in 2008. I’d love to see the Broncos, or any team that has one side of the ball which is a complete mess, use every single draft pick on the defensive side of the ball in hopes that 3-4 quality starters and 2 quality backups emerge.

Essentially, devote an entire draft to one side of the ball and hope that unit becomes dominant while the other unit steadily improves with what they already have. In this case, the Broncos defense would suddenly become young and talented, with a bunch of players conceivably reaching their prime at the same time. If Denver drafted well, their defense could turn into a dominant unit for years to come.

I know Denver won’t go all defense, partially because they just hired an offensive guru as head coach, but I’d like to see them try. It’s not like they’re winning much with Kyle Orton at QB anyway.

dmk’s choice: Tyson Jackson

13. Washington Redskins: Michael Oher, OT, Mississippi.

I expect Dan Snyder to try his hardest to trade up for Mark Sanchez, but if that effort fails he should grab whatever offensive or defensive line help he can find.

The ‘Skins like Ayers, but Ayers is gone. Oher would fill a hole at G or T for the Redskins, and he has about as high of a profile as an OL can have, thanks to The Blind Side (good, not great, book). If Snyder doesn’t expect Oher to step in and start at LT right away, Big Mike can turn into a good player. But he'll probably have to start off as a guard, or at best a RT, at the NFL level.

dmk’s choice: Andre Smith (They can afford the risk)

14. New Orleans Saints: Michael Jenkins, CB/S, Ohio. St.

The Saints need help in the linebacking corps and secondary. Jenkins can step in immediately at FS or be worked in as a CB. If New Orleans feels like Reggie Bush needs a big RB who isn’t currently on the roster, Beanie Wells could go here.

dmk’s choice: Brian Cushing

15. Houston Texans: Clay Matthews, LB, USC.

Houston needs help on the defensive side of the ball, and Matthews fits their mold as an OLB. Sure, Matthews is a better fit as a weakside cover 2 LB, but the Texans will try to fit him into their scheme.

Matthews didn’t start many games at USC, as he was a walk on who worked his way up the depth chart through special teams play. But he has the intangibles which make him attractive to many teams; he’s going to bust his ass in the weight room and play great special teams. Plus, he has a family member on the Texans’ staff and others who are former NFL players. That has to help.

dmk’s choice: Clay Matthews

16. San Diego Chargers: Brian Cushing, LB, USC.

San Diego’s choice comes down to helping the ailing LB corp, drafting a DE, or taking a RB for when LDT leaves after the season. Aaron Maybin and Everette Brown are attractive options here, especially in the wake of Shawne Merriman’s injury, but Cushing helps the Chargers more as an ILB. No offensive linemen are worth this pick, and San Diego can wait until next year to find a RB to replace Tomlinson.

dmk’s choice: Rey Maualuga

17. New York Jets. Darrius Heyward-Bey, WR, Maryland.

This would be a terrible pick, as Heyward-Bey never produced shit in college. But teams seem to like Bey’s measurable, as he's the consensus #3 WR in the draft. And the Jets do need a WR.

New York could also go for Josh Freeman, who would be an equally awful choice.

dmk’s choice: Matthew Stafford

18. Denver Broncos: Everette Brown, OLB/DE, Florida St.

The choice will come down to Brown, Maybin, Maualuga, or Freeman, and I have faith that Bowlen will take the best player on the board, which is Brown.

If Denver is absolutely committed to drafting a QB early, Freeman will be the pick. But I doubt the Broncos reach for a QB this year. If Freeman makes it past this pick, he may slide out of the first round unless the Bucs or Vikings take a shot on him. Which I’d advise neither to do, but you never know.

dmk’s choice: Aaron Maybin

19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Josh Freeman, QB, Kansas St.

I think the Bucs take a DT or Freeman, but the Pewter Report seems convinced they’re all over Georgia Tech DE Michael Johnson.

Well, I’m not sold. New Bucs coach Raheem Morris coached Freeman at Kansas State and has spoken about him in glowing terms. Plus, have you SEEN Tampa's QB depth chart?

dmk’s choice: Peria Jerry

20. Detroit Lions: Peria Jerry, DT, Mississippi.

Detroit still needs an OT, but unless they love William Beatty no LTs are worth this pick. Britton and Loadhold project as RTs, and at least one should be available for the Lions’ second round pick.

Jerry is probably the best DT available, and Detroit has a huge need at DT. Schwartz is a defensive guy, so it stands to reason he’d push for a defensive player at some point. I’m betting it’ll be with the #20 pick instead of the early second round pick.

dmk’s choice: trade down and take William Beatty. But, if they can’t trade down, take Eben Britton.

21. Philadelphia Eagles: Knowshow Moreno, RB, Georgia.

Philadelphia could also go for a WR or Pettigrew, but RB is a huge need as well, now that Westbrook’s approaching 30 and Correll Buckhalter headed to Denver in the offseason. Plus, with their offensive line upgrades the Eagles are in prime position to establish a dominant running game.

Moreno fits Philadelphia’s system better than Beanie Wells, as Moreno can make more plays in the passing game. Don’t be surprised if the Eagles grab Donald Brown, though.

dmk’s choice: Knowshow Moreno

22. Minnesota Vikings: Eben Britton, OT, Arizona.

The Vikings will have a tough choice here: do they take the versatile Percy Harvin, the complete Hakeem Nicks, or a lineman, either offensive or defensive. For whatever reason, I’m putting faith in the Vikings to take someone who actually helps them immediately. That’s probably a bad idea.

Britton can immediately solidify the RT spot for Minnesota, giving Adrian Peterson more room to run and Tarvaris Jackson more time to pump fake and ultimately overthrow his WR by 8 feet. Don’t rule out a defensive lineman like Evander Hood, either.

dmk’s choice: William Beatty

23. New England Patriots: Rey Maualuga, LB, USC.

Even after taking Jerod Mayo last year, New England’s in need of linebackers. Maulauga and James Laurinaitis both fit the Patriots’ need. Whie Laurinaitis would instantly become Tommy’s new favorite athlete, Maulauga is probably the better football player. If his character issues scare the Patriots away, expect Laurinaitis to be the selection.

If the Pats decide to take an OLB, Maybin fits their 3-4 scheme. William Beatty would also be a possibility here.

dmk’s choice: James Laurinaitis

24. Atlanta Falcons: Evander Hood, DT, Missouri.

Before Atlanta traded for Tony Gonzalez, I had Brandon Pettigrew here. Now that Gonzalez is on board, the Falcons can address their need at DT or S instead. The best players left on the board that fit Atlanta’s need are Evander Hood and Louis Delmas. Since DTs are generally more important than safeties, I’ll slot in Hood here.

dmk’s choice: Evander Hood

25. Miami Dolphins: Aaron Maybin, OLB/DE, Penn State.

Yes, Miami desperately needs WRs, but who is of value here? Percy Harvin is another Ted Ginn type. I like Hakeem Nicks alot and hope the Dolphins stay the fuck away from him, but some of his issues may scare off Bill Parcells. Kenny Britt may be an option if they go WR. No other WR is worth a first round pick.

With this pick, Miami could go for an OLB like Maybin, an ILB like Laurinaitis, or a corner like Vontae Davis or Darius Butler. Maybin is an excellent OLB prospect who’s falling, and with the Dolphins re-signing Channing Crowder ILB is less of a priority. So Laurinaitis gets shafted.

dmk’s choice: Hakeem Nicks
26. Baltimore Ravens: Brandon Pettigrew, TE, Oklahoma State.

And, at this point, I throw a goddamn chair through my television because the Bills were two picks away from getting Brandon Pettigrew and finally filling their hole at TE.

Baltimore could absolutely use a WR here, but no WRs stand out as safe choices. Pettigrew is far and away the best TE in the draft and could start immediately, as he possesses the ability to both block and catch. The Ravens still have Todd Heap around, but he’s getting up there in age.

Ozzie Newsome will select the best player on the board, even if that player doesn’t fill a huge need. Pettigrew is the best player on the board.

dmk’s choice: Brandon Pettigrew

(/asphyxiates self)

27. Indianapolis Colts: Hakeem Nicks, WR, UNC.

Nicks isn’t a blazer, but he’s a decent route runner with excellent hands and body control, meaning he’s the epitome of a Colts WR. A WR corps of Reggie Wayne, Anthony Gonzalez, and Nicks should keep Peyton Manning happy and productive for another 3-5 years.

Indy also has needs at DT, so if someone like Hood or Jerry slip the Colts could scoop him up.

dmk’s choice: Evander Hood

28. Buffalo Bills: Louis Delmas, S, Western Michigan.

If the draft plays out like this, the Bills are pretty much fucked with a switchblade.

No OLBs or TEs are worth selecting.

The only OT worthy of consideration is William Beatty, and I’d like to see him picked. But the Bills are apparently comfortable going with Langston Walker and Demetrius Bell/Kirk Chambers at tackle, which should ensure Trent Edwards misses at least 4 games with injury. Besides, Buffalo probably feels comfortable that Beatty or Phil Loadholt will be available when their second round pick emerges.

Buffalo supposedly wants to take impact players for the defense, and it’s no secret they’ve been looking to upgrade at safety. Ko Simpson, who I remind you is worth millions, is one of three key contributors Buffalo is looking to trade (Chris Kelsay and Roscoe Parrish are the others).

Louis Delmas is the best safety on the board and could immediately start for Buffalo. He’d allow Perry Fewell to shift Donte Whitner to free safety, which the Bills would like to do, and keep Bryan Scott in a reserve role, which is best for everyone. I like Delmas a lot as a player, and think he’ll improve Buffalo’s defense. I just worry that Trent Edwards is going to die on the field.

dmk’s choice: rape at the hands of Magic Johnson

29. New York Giants: Kenny Britt, WR, Rutgers.

Assuming the Giants-Browns Braylon Edwards deal is dead, New York needs a WR. Britt is a bigger WR than Percy Harvin and a better fit for what the Giants look for.

Seeing as they had an interest in trading for Jason Peters, New York could potentially look at an O-lineman like William Beatty or Phil Loadholt as well. New York could also look for a RB to replace Derrick Ward in the rotation. Donald Brown makes sense in that role.

dmk’s choice: Kenny Britt

30. Tennessee Titans: Vontae Davis, CB, Illinois.

This seems about the right time to take a chance on Percy Harvin, and Harvin could help the Titans on special teams immediately and play a role as the guy who gets 10-15 touches a game out of the backfield and from the WR position.

But Tennessee doesn’t typically take undersized WRs, and they have a need at CB. Davis is probably the most talented corner in the class, but he does come with character concerns. Tennesee, though, isn’t likely to be scared off by the character issues. If they are, UCONN’s Darius Butler can go here.

dmk’s choice: Vontae Davis

31. Arizona Cardinals: Chris Wells, RB, Ohio State.

One of Arizona’s biggest needs is RB, and Wells is an excellent fit. He’ll complement Tim Hightower very well. Arizona could also look at offensive line help, and someone like Beatty or Loadholt would make sense at tackle.

dmk’s choice: Donald Brown

32. Pittsburgh Steelers: Alex Mack, OL, California.

As you’d expect from the Super Bowl Champions, Pittsburgh’s a pretty complete team. But they could still use help shoring up the offensive line. Mack seems to be the best center prospect on the board, and he’s the tough, intelligent, grinder type who should flourish in the Steelers’ power running game.

I’d like to see the Steelers take a chance on the playmaking Percy Harvin, but that seems a bit too risky for Pittsburgh.

dmk’s choice: Max Unger


Come back Saturday afternoon. We'll be live-blogging the draft again.