2010 IHS Final Four Drinking Game

I know the posts on IHS have been lacking in 2010, for which the contributors sincerely apologize. In fact, since October of 2009, we have not even averaged one post every two days and that is mostly a product of dmk's school commitments/future occupation and my laziness. One thing that will never be sacrificed, however, are the drinking games and with that I am pleased to present yet another in the ever growing line of ways to get you, the reader, completely shitcanned.

Last year's Final Four drinking game was another resounding success, even if dmk among others at our party believed Cirrhosis 2.0 was taking sports-related alcoholism to a new level. This year, I plan on keeping the pedal to the floor, and including a similar amount of drinking requirements to possibly give you the ability to fart, "Jesus Christ Has Risen Today" in the pews at church on Easter Morning.

Personally, I have an especially large rooting interest that involves winning my work's bracket pool in Saturday's nightcap between Duke and West Virginia. If the Mountaineers beat Coach K and the Blue Devils, then I will have taken home yet another title ...so I got that going for me, which is nice. Anyways, let's get down to business because WE GON DRINK.

Rules
Rule #1: Get a good night’s rest, eat as much as you can prior to commencement, and get a good seat for the action.

Rule #2: Do not play this game by yourself.

Rule #3: If you still want to play the game alone, go to the next meeting in your area.

(On second thought, its a holiday weekend so drinking solo is an accepted ritual. Disregard rules 2 and 3 for 2010.)

Rule #4: There will be no sipping, consistent drinking, or beer bongs to make up for the fact that some people fucking blow at drinking. If something in the next few paragraphs occurs which says drink, you fucking drink. For clarities sake, let’s say there are 8 drinks of beer in a 12 ounce bottle/can. If you are planning on drinking something other than beer for this contest, make sure your projectile vomit goes all over your bed, because you are an ass cunt.

Rule #5: If people cannot abide by these rules (especially #4), YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO PUNCH THEM IN THEIR PRIVATE PARTS. That means vagina jabs and penis punches for those who think they are too good for these stipulations. Hell, it was good enough for a few players in this year's NIT, so it damn well better be okay for the IHS faithful.

Rule #6: Make sure if there is limited space/viewing area, that the participants and those that actually enjoy watching the Final Four (aka not Women) are comfortable and unobstructed. This is a new rule after last year in which some ladies did not use common sense and common courtesy when watching the games.

Game Basics

- Before the each of the games start, everybody has to pick a team. You are either going to be on “Team Spartans” or “Team Bulldogs” in the first game of the evening and “Team Mountaineers” or “Team Blue Devils” for the second semifinal. The teams don't have to have even numbers. Everybody gets to choose which team they would like to root for (and drink with).

- There is a set of drinking guidelines printed below for all players involved, no matter your team affiliation.


Social Drinks


Drink 1 drink:

-Every time a player’s family member is shown from the team you have chosen. If there is more than one in the picture, drink one drink for each family member

- Every missed free-throw

- When Lucas Oil Stadium is referred to as the home of the Colts or Peyton Manning

Drink 2 drinks:

- Every time that an announcer refers to a break in the action as the "under (16, 12, 8, 4) timeout"

- Anytime a team goes on a double digit run (10+ straight points)

- If the fact that no #5 seed has ever won a National Championship is discussed.

Drink 3 drinks when:

- The topic of fan bases for the respective schools arises, Clark Kellogg says something to the effect of, "I have never seen so many crackers at a Final Four" or "The amount of fat honkeys that descended on Indianapolis is astounding".

- Announcers mention that just three times since 2000 has one or fewer #1 seed made the Final Four.

- A probable tournament expansion to 96 teams is discussed (Not cool, NCAA, not cool!)

Drink 1 Beer or Take a Shot:

- If Shawn Respert, A.J. Graves, Christian Laettner or Kevin Pittsnogle are shown in attendance at Lucas Oil Stadium

- If a half-court shot is made

- If Jim Nantz calls his wife a dumb cuntrag because of his messy divorce proceedings. DO NOT DRINK, however, if he admits to dating a woman 21 years his junior.


Team Spartans

Drink 1 drink:

- Every time Butler makes a 3-pt. basket

- If Michigan State's season-long injury problems are mentioned or if Kalin Lucas is shown in his walking boot.

- If Butler draws a charge against the Spartans

Drink 2 drinks:

- If an announcer alludes to the 10-year anniversary of the Spartans' 2000 National Championship in Indianapolis.

- If the Bulldogs convert an alley-oop

- When the fact that Michigan State was the nation's top rebounding team in 2010 with a +8.7 margin is touch upon or a graphic is shown.

Drink 3 drinks when:

- Butler scores over 80 points

- The fact that Michigan State set a record by advancing to the Final Four with a total margin of victory of only 13 points in its four NCAA Tournament games is mentioned.

- The Spartans 7-0 record all time in NCAA Tournament games played in Indianapolis is talked about.

Finish your beer or take a shot:

- When Minnesota's own Isaiah Dahlman is referred to as, "a poor man's Mark Madsen" or "the team's #1 cheerleader and #1 douchebag who never sees the floor."

- Any Spartan receives a technical foul

- If Michigan State loses


Team Bulldogs

Drink 1 drink:

- Every time Michigan State makes a 3-pt. basket

- When Butler's nation-leading 24-game winning streak is talked about

- If Michigan State draws a charge against the Bulldogs

Drink 2 drinks:

- If the Spartans convert an alley-oop

- When anything to do with Butler playing in its hometown is discussed. That can be anything from fans to campus proximity to having to attend class to fat white women.

- Gordon Hayward's high-school tennis prowess is discussed.

Drink 3 drinks when:

- Head Coach Brad Stephens age (32) is directly alluded to or if he is called young, up-and-coming or inexperienced.

- Michigan State scores over 80 points

- Butler's run to the Final Four is compared to the movie Hoosiers, which was filmed in the Bulldogs' home arena, Hinkle Fieldhouse.

Finish your beer or Take a shot:

- If a notable alumni discussion or graphic appears and the fact that Jim Jones...yeah, that Jim Jones is a Butler alumnus, causing a blow-hard to state, "Well let's just hope a Butler loss doesn't cause anyone to drink the kool-aid tonight."

(Note: I know I used a Jim Jones joke last year, but how can I leave out that tidbit in a drinking game? Seriously.)

- Any Bulldog receives a technical foul

- If Butler loses



Team Mountaineers


Drink 1 drink:

- Every time Duke makes a 3-pt. basket

- Everytime Truck Bryant's recent foot injury and expected absence or Joe Mazzulla's shoulder injury from a season ago are discussed.

- If Duke draws a charge on the Mountaineers

Drink 2 drinks:

- If the Blue Devils convert an alley-oop

- When West Virginia's 12-0 record in neutral site games in 2010 is brought up.

- The fact that a Big East team has not reached the National Title game since 2004 is mentioned.

Drink 3 drinks when:

- The only other West Virginia squad to reach the Final Four, the 1959 Mountaineer team, are alluded to and/or any members of that team are shown (including Jerry West).

- A picture or video montage of Bob Huggins's playing career at West Virginia is shown.

- The Blue Devils score over 80 points.

Finish your beer or take a shot:

- If WV Senator and noted segrationist Robert Byrd is reported dead of a heartattack because he just realized that the Mountaineers squad, "contained Negroes who were better suited to clean my damn mansion than to be on the floor with the master race."

(dmk's edit: apologies for interjecting into this wonderful game, but I should note that I'm taking a shot of moonshine if anyone wearing this "West Fuckin' Virginia" shirt appears on television. Also, if you know where to purchase this shirt, send me an email.)

- Any Mountaineer receives a technical foul

- If West Virginia loses


Team Blue Devils

Drink 1 drink:

- Every time West Virginia makes a 3-pt. basket

- When the fact the Duke is the only #1 seed to make the Final Four is talked about

- If the Mountaineers draw a charge on the Blue Devils

Drink 2 drinks:

- If Nolan Smith's evolution and improvement as a point guard from 2009 to 2010 is mentioned.

- If the Mountaineers convert an alley-oop

- The announcers bring up the fact that Duke and Coach K won their first National Championship in 1991 in Indianapolis.

Drink 3 drinks when:

- Jon Scheyer, Kyle Singler and Nolan Smith are said to be on their way to become just the third
trio in Duke history to each average over 17.0 points per game.

- The Mountaineers score over 80 points

- Duke's size and length advantage on the interior is mentioned or if their abundance of huge caucasians is subtlely referred to.

Finish your beer or Take a shot:

- When Jim Nantz reveals that Coach K has been dying his hair jet black for the last decade, because for christsakes, how many 63-year olds do not have a folicle of grey hair?

- Any Blue Devil receives a technical foul

- If Duke loses


**Per usual, some of these rules can be combined. Use your best discretion for those which fall into grey areas.**