Donovan McNabb and the Vikings

Donovan McNabb is, again, on the trade block, and it looks like this is the year the Eagles finally, moronically, dump him. If you believe Adam Schefter, Philadelphia has already guaranteed Kevin Kolb the starting job next year. The Eagles aren’t going to bench McNabb for Kolb, even if Kolb is the better quarterback going forward (which he’s probably not), just like the Packers wouldn’t have benched Brett Favre for Aaron Rodgers, even if Rodgers was the better quarterback going forward (which he probably was).

Instead, the Eagles are going to trade McNabb.

Reports are the Eagles are looking for “a top 42 pick” (a pretty fucking arbitrary number, no?) or “a combination of picks and players” (a profound statement from the reporter). And that’s where the Vikings come in: wisely, Donovan McNabb has told Oakland and Buffalo to fuck the fuck off, because Donovan doesn’t want to be part of the massive rebuilding jobs in those two shitshanties. McNabb’s said that his first choice is to be a Viking.

The Vikings currently have an opening at quarterback, because, for some reason and to the surprise of many, Brett Favre hasn’t yet announced his decision as to whether he’s playing in 2010. Unprecedented for him, I know. Completely out of character. But the Vikes are apparently willing to wait out Favre, mostly because Ziggy has some kind of faux-loyalty to Favre, based on Favre's lone year of service, which is further proof that Ziggy’s probably a fucking Nazi (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

But should the Vikes wait out Favre? Is Brett Favre really a better fit for them, in 2010 and for the foreseeable future, than Donovan McNabb?

Fuck and no, he is not.

Now, at this point, you might be saying something like: “oh, sure, dmk. You’re going to be unbiased in this. You fucking DEPLORE everything about Favre. I’m pretty sure you’ve hoped for his death more than you’ve hoped for anyone else’s death, at least anyone else you’ve written about. Pardon me if I don’t take you seriously, cockslot.”

My reply to this would be two parts:

(1) you should never take me seriously. I’m a fucking stroke.

(2) I’m capable of hating a person but acknowledging their skill/fit for a particular team (see: Terrell Owens to Buffalo).

And Donovan McNabb is a better investment for the Vikings than Brett Favre. Why?

Age: Brett Favre’s going to be playing as a 41 year old next season. Donovan McNabb will be turning 34 during the 2010 season.

Favre has, what, one more year left? Maybe two, and I’d seriously doubt Favre will be returning at age 42 and still be one of the NFL’s best quarterbacks, like he was last season. With Favre, the Vikings probably have one year left of an elite offense before they turn the reigns over to the Tarvaris/Sagecopter shitshow and go back to having an average offense.

McNabb isn’t a spring chicken at 34. But he should, at the least, have 3 years of excellent performance left. And it’s no stretch to say he can give 4-5 years of very solid production. QBs typically don’t fall off a cliff the same way that players at other positions do. McNabb doesn’t have nagging injuries in his past that indicate he’ll age poorly, he doesn’t have concussion problems that may force an early retirement, and he’s been relatively healthy throughout his career (vomiting in the Super Bowl is not an injury).

McNabb should be around for 4-5 years, which is perfect. Because Adrian Peterson’s probably got 4-5 years of peak performance left, before his punishing running style catches up to him and his production promptly falls off a cliff.

Physical Ability: McNabb can be extremely frustrating to watch. Thanks to his very inconsistent, mostly shitty mechanics, his accuracy can go from pinpoint to “waydafuggoff” on a game to game basis, and there’s no way to tell which Donovan you’re getting until the game starts. That’s just the way he is, because of his mechanics.

But even at his shittiest, McNabb’s still a very good quarterback. He has the arm strength necessary to make all the throws, and he’s mobile enough to move around in the pocket when the Vikings’ less than impressive pass protection breaks down. And because McNabb’s only turning 34, the Vikes wouldn’t have to worry about this physical ability going out the window in the immediate future, like they’d have to with Favre.

Familiarity With The Offense: Like Favre, McNabb is very familiar with the Vikings’ offensive playbook. Like when Favre came to Minnesota, there’d be very little, if any, adjustment period for Donovan, were the Vikes to bring him aboard. This familiarity isn’t so much of an advantage for McNabb as it is not a disadvantage.

Past Success: Donovan’s led his team to five NFC title games and one Super Bowl. Yeah, he’s never won a Super Bowl, and he’s lost four NFC title games. But let’s not make Brett out to be some kind of Tom Brady-like uber-winner. Dude won one Super Bowl, and it was largely thanks to Desmond fucking Howard. Like McNabb, Favre has a history of choking in big games (see: Super Bowl XXXII, NFC title games in 2008 and 2010).

Past success isn't necessarily indicative of future performance, but if you're going to argue that Favre's likely to do well because of his past success, then the same argument works for McNabb. Also, “winners” don’t really exist, but if they did, Favre wouldn’t be much more of a winner than McNabb, especially at this point in their respective careers.

Less Prone to Brain-Melting Decisions: McNabb has faults, such as nearly throwing up in the Super Bowl, attending Syracuse, not knowing the rules of overtime, and hanging out with Terrell Owens. But McNabb also doesn’t make the “hey look at me I’m just a kid having fun out there let’s throw this up and see what happens” decisions Brett makes, such as when Favre decides to force the ball into a receiver covered by five people, or pass up an easy 8 yards and a field goal to throw the ball back across his body.

So, you know, the Vikes might get blown out because McNabb can’t hit a woman from the kitchen on that particular day, but they won’t lose in a soul crushing manner because of a critical mistake at the end of the game. I guess that's an improvement.

Not a Douchebag:


McNabb hasn’t fucked his way through most of Philadelphia’s women, like Brett has in Green Bay. He’s never been called a hero for getting himself addicted to vicodin and being forced into treatment. He doesn’t have a relationship with Peter King. He doesn’t waffle over retirement ever year. He’s never made unsolicited phone calls to other teams to tell them an ex-team’s audibles. He doesn’t make Wrangler commercials. He doesn’t make the national media drop to their knees quicker than your sister.

What McNabb does do is attend offseason workouts, show up to camp on time, and not make himself a media circus. He plays football, and he plays very well, and he does so without dictating that he's the center of attention. At least publicly, his actions and words indicate he cares more about the team than himself. Novel concept.

Basically, McNabb brings the production of Favre, without all the off the field bullshit. Which is nice. It’d be lovely for the Vikes to have a likeable quarterback again. What’s it been, since Randall Cunningham?

I can’t see a scenario where the Vikings tell Brett Favre the equivalent of “tits or GTFO” and Favre decides to retire. If Favre doesn’t make a decision until a week before the season starts, Chilly and Ziggy won’t care. But they should.

If the price isn’t a first round pick - and it doesn’t look like it is – then the Vikes should jump on the opportunity to acquire Donovan, and they should do so immediately. Hell, they could even recoup a draft pick by dealing Sage to the Raiders.

By acquiring Donovan McNabb, the Vikes would end the uncertainty surrounding their QB situation. Minnesota could count on having excellent pieces at the skill positions for the foreseeable future. Donovan, AP, Sidney Rice, Percy Harvin, and Visanthe Shiancoe would all be around that 4-5 year period. No matter how much the defense regressed when the Williams Wall retired, the offense would remain among the league’s best with a McNabb-AP-Rice core. And they’d do so for more than one year, which wouldn’t be the case with Favre.

Ask yourself this: last offseason, if you were given the choice between Favre and McNabb, who would you have chosen? I’m guessing – or at least hoping – you’d have chosen McNabb. Your answer should be the same this offseason. McNabb’s just as productive, younger, and less of a distraction. He’s a better option as the Vikings QB, for both the present and the future.

douchebag pic via