Announcement: Upcoming NFL Draft Live Blog

Are you planning to watch ESPN's telecast of tomorrow night's first round of the NFL Draft? Do you like to drink? Will you be alone and pantsless? Do you love America? Do you hate hippies?

If your answer to any of these questions, please join dmk, AJR, and all the other lovely homos that usually appear at this site for an NFL Draft live blog. The past two live blogs we've done have been hugely successful - and by hugely successful, we mean they existed.

Besides, tomorrow night's first round is chock full 'o characters to love or hate. Such as my man:



Christ. Between Jimmy Clausen and Brady Quinn, it's like Notre Dame rolls hateable QBs off a goddamn assembly line. But there's a difference between Quinn and Clausen. While Quinn's picture poses typically made him seem fabulously flamboyant, Clausen's pictures and history make him seem like the kind of guy who'd take your wife out, get her drunk, and try to fuck her while you're away on business, and then brag to you if he pulled it off. He's a cocky punk who probably deserved to get hit in the face in that bar.


And I fucking love him, and I hope to Jesus that Buffalo selects him at the #9 spot. Some of that desire is built from my belief that Clausen is the best QB prospect in this draft (better than Bradford, for a number of reasons) but it's mostly because I like to believe that if I were a successful athlete, I'd have the same cocky, "fuck off, I'm better than you" attitude that Clausen has (note: I would be far too much of a pussy to have this attitude). I admire cockiness much more than I admire a disingenuous humility.

Plus, in one of those pictures, Clausen looks like he's participating in a Beer Olympics type of event, and goddammit, I have to respect that.

Much more than I respect:



Again, it's been stated numerous times here, but fuck ANYONE who puts Bible verses on their eye black. I love that Tim Tebow's intangibles have probably vaulted a QB whose #1 weakness is "throwing the football" into a first round pick.

Still, there's at least one team who may select him early in the first round. That team? You guessed it. The fucking Bills. Tebow's rumored to be their QB of choice in the draft, and they're supposedly giving strong consideration to taking him #9 or trading up into the end of the first round to grab him.

What will I do if Tebow becomes a Bill? Well, besides become one of those queer "general football fans" without a favorite team until Tebow's no longer in Buffalo, execute my emergency Thursday evening plans. Which involve drinking one of these as quickly as possible after Buffalo's selection of Tebow:

Yes, that's the high gravity variety.

and then continuing the live blog, and just ignoring Buffalo's selection of Tebow, so that I don't David Carradine myself. Which would be fun. I won't blame anyone who pulls for that to happen.

Anyway, there's also:


C.J. Spiller loves America. And for that, we all have to love him.

See? I told you that if you love America, you'll have fun tomorrow night.

And also:



Dez Bryant's kind of a dummy, but he's cool enough to wear a "Freak Show Football" shirt. And he's also probably the offensive player with the highest upside in the draft.

Moving on:



Ndamukong Suh already has a name that means "House of Spears," which makes him the most honorable badass in the draft. Putting "House of Spears" on your shoes will make him the second most honorable badass in Detroit, next to RoboCop.

And finally:



Oh, shit. Wrong Bruce Campbell.

See you tomorrow. Wear your fancy hat.