F-ck That

Fuck Duke. Fuck Coach K. Fuck anyone who can't see through his carefully crafted, public exterior. Fuck Jim Nantz, for being one of the people who can't see through Coach K's bullshit. Fuck Clark Kellogg for tanking a HORSE game. Yeah, it's the fucking President, but put in some goddamn effort.

Fuck Jon Scheyer. Hopefully, he's taking driving lessons from Bobby Hurley and Jay Williams. He's already taken doucheing lessons from, oh, every other Duke backcourt player that came before him. Fuck J.J. Redick, while we're on the subject. He looks like the type of guy who'd date-rape your girlfriend while you're out of town at your Grandma's funeral. Fuck his rap album too. Fucking prick.


Fuck Kyle Singler. Fuck Kyle Singler's Mom. She's a terrible cook, and she clearly doesn't give a shit about her other son's education. Fuck Brian Zoubek. Fuck Brian Zoubek's Dad, because he looked like a typical overbearing sports parent, and because the only response I could muster when he was shown on TV was "Fuck you, you fucking cockstop."

Fuck any and all Duke alumni. Fuck Richard Nixon. Didn't know he was a Duke alum? You bet your ass he was (J.D. in 1937). Fuck Drew Rosenhaus. You didn't know he was a Duke alum? Well, that's your fault, because, if you ever look into Rosenhaus' eyes, it's clear he has even less of a soul than Coach K.

Fuck the Cameron Crazies. Fuck anyone who reads from a cheer sheet, but doesn't know the difference between a hand check and a cross check. Fuck anyone who camps out for tickets, but wouldn't recognize Elton Brand as anything other than "that large colored fellow." Fuck any current Duke students. 80% of you are Northeast trash anyway. HEY CARTER, CHECK OUT MY NEW AEROPOSTALE SHIRT AND SEERSUCKER SHORTS! THEY'RE PERFECT FOR TAKING OUT DAD'S BOSTON WHALER THIS WEEKEND! THOSE SLUTS WON'T EVEN KNOW I PUT ANYTHING IN THE FIREFLY SWEET TEA! JUST LIKE THE LACROSSE TEAM DID IT!

In fact, fuck the past and present Duke lacrosse team. You play lacrosse, AND you attend Duke. You had that shit coming, and deserve anything and everything bad that happens to you in your entire life.



Fuck anyone who didn't attend Duke, but who roots for the Blue Devils. You're a front-running ass clown, and you're no better than Yankees, Red Sox, Cowboys, or Lakers fans. I hope you die in a fucking coal mine.

Fuck the NCAA Presidents and Conference Commissioners. It's your soft-skulled retardery that keeps the BCS in place and ensures NCAA football will NEVER have any matchup like tonight - a real, live, actual David vs. Goliath matchup. Instead, we simply get the two highest ranked teams from among the SEC, Big 12, Big 10, and Pac 10, regardless of what mid-major may be equally deserving of a chance at the National Championship. FUCK that.

Fuck the NCAA Presidents and Conference Commissioners again, this time for expanding the NCAA tournament to 96 teams. Think some shit like this, or like George Mason, happens with 96 teams, when there's another obstacle for Cinderellas to overcome? Think again.


But, most of all, fuck me. For ever doubting Butler, and for picking them to lose in the first round.

Butler: thank you. You turned what would otherwise have been a horribly mundane March and April into something special. You didn't deserve what happened in those final ten seconds tonight. But people rarely get what they deserve. This is just another example from the sports world.